So -- it's the holidays and you will be around family and friends that you may not usually see. And what if you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship?
Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:
"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine?
Then say: "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"
Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions. And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.
People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.
For help or assistance anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or check out http://www.thehotline.org. Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org or at 1-866-331-9474.
It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
(And survivors....any comments or additional suggestions you have are most welcome! You know best what is helpful!)
Showing posts with label National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
What Do You Say If You Wonder . . .?
So -- domestic violence has been in the news this week because of a potential high profile abuser and victim.
While that potential case is "high profile" -- what about the people in our own lives? What if with your friends or family or you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship?
Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"
Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.
And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.
People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is NOT easy.
For help or information anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
It may seem ironic to talk about this when Valentine's Day is just around the corner. . .but really, it seems like a great time to check in on ourselves and the people we care about. Maybe Valentine's Day is a good reminder to take a look at the health of all our relationships – not just intimate relationships but the ones we have with friends, family, co-workers, and those and those in our communities. It may be an overused saying, but it is important to “be the change we want to see in the world” by modeling healthy relationships wherever and whenever we can.
While that potential case is "high profile" -- what about the people in our own lives? What if with your friends or family or you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship?
Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"
Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.
And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.
People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is NOT easy.
For help or information anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
It may seem ironic to talk about this when Valentine's Day is just around the corner. . .but really, it seems like a great time to check in on ourselves and the people we care about. Maybe Valentine's Day is a good reminder to take a look at the health of all our relationships – not just intimate relationships but the ones we have with friends, family, co-workers, and those and those in our communities. It may be an overused saying, but it is important to “be the change we want to see in the world” by modeling healthy relationships wherever and whenever we can.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
February 2 - 6 is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week
We care about our teens, don't we? And sometimes they are not only our children, they are our employees as well.
The crime of teen dating violence, including physical, emotional and sexual assault, and harassment via texting, email or Instant Messaging is a reality for many American teenagers.
Did you know:
- One in eleven adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence.
- 30 percent of teens in a dating relationship have been text-messaged 10, 20, or 30 times an hour by a partner finding out where they are, what they are doing or who they are with.
- One in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
- 29 percent of girls in a relationship report having been pressured to go further sexually than they really wanted.
The Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Initiative was started by teens through the American Bar Association in 2004. In 2006, the first national "week" was declared by Congress, and has been recognized every year since then. Since its inception, a number of governors have declared proclamations, and today, the Initiative includes over 50 national, state and local agencies and organizations as partners. More information can be found at: http://crapo.senate.gov/issues/teen_dating_violence.cfm.
One thing you can do in honor of “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week” is sign the MADE petition at http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/made/.)
And here is a small list of online resources:
http://www.loveisnotabuse.com – Learn what you can do about teen dating abuse from this site from CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc.
http://www.loveisrespect.org – This is the site for the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
http://www.thatsnotcool.com/ -- New teen site from CAEPV Member the Family Violence Prevention Fund
http://www.caepv.org/getinfo/links.php?linksec=19 – A listing of Teen Resources on the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence website
The crime of teen dating violence, including physical, emotional and sexual assault, and harassment via texting, email or Instant Messaging is a reality for many American teenagers.
Did you know:
- One in eleven adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence.
- 30 percent of teens in a dating relationship have been text-messaged 10, 20, or 30 times an hour by a partner finding out where they are, what they are doing or who they are with.
- One in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
- 29 percent of girls in a relationship report having been pressured to go further sexually than they really wanted.
The Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Initiative was started by teens through the American Bar Association in 2004. In 2006, the first national "week" was declared by Congress, and has been recognized every year since then. Since its inception, a number of governors have declared proclamations, and today, the Initiative includes over 50 national, state and local agencies and organizations as partners. More information can be found at: http://crapo.senate.gov/issues/teen_dating_violence.cfm.
One thing you can do in honor of “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week” is sign the MADE petition at http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/made/.)
And here is a small list of online resources:
http://www.loveisnotabuse.com – Learn what you can do about teen dating abuse from this site from CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc.
http://www.loveisrespect.org – This is the site for the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
http://www.thatsnotcool.com/ -- New teen site from CAEPV Member the Family Violence Prevention Fund
http://www.caepv.org/getinfo/links.php?linksec=19 – A listing of Teen Resources on the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence website
Monday, December 22, 2008
Domestic Violence and the Holidays
So -- it's the holidays and you will be around family and friends that you may not usually see. And what if you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship? Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"
Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.
People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.
For help or advice anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"
Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.
People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.
For help or advice anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Liz Claiborne and National Association of Attorneys General Team Up to Help Tweens and Parents Recognize Abusive Relationships - Before They Start
Liz Claiborne Inc. released a survey on July 8 (today) that a surprising number of young adolescents are experiencing significant levels of dating violence and abuse. One in five children between the ages of 13 and 14 (20%) say their friends are victims of dating violence and nearly half of all tweens in relationships say they know friends who are verbally abused. Alarmingly, 40% of the youngest tweens, those between the ages of 11 and 12, report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships and nearly 1 in 10 (9%) say their friends have had sex.
Liz Claiborne Inc. and www.loveisrespect.org (the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline), commissioned the survey on Tween and Teen dating relationships that was conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) to explore how relationships among young adolescents are fueling high levels of dating violence and abuse.
Recognizing the significance of this alarming trend in tween sexual activity and dating abuse, President of the National Association of Attorneys General (NAAG), Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch, along with Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning, introduced an unprecedented initiative that was unanimously passed at NAAG’s June meeting to ensure that all Attorneys General work to incorporate a teen dating violence and abuse curriculum in every school in their states.
“Over the past four years Liz Claiborne Inc. has conducted research into the many aspects of teen dating abuse. What makes this current study so disturbing is the clear and unexpected finding that dating abuse and violence begins at such a young age,” says Jane Randel, Vice President, Corporate Communications, Liz Claiborne Inc. “We applaud the willingness of Attorney General Lynch to push for the introduction of education about dating abuse in schools across the country. This research shows just how urgently this information is needed.”
This Teen Dating Violence Education Resolution is inspired by the Lindsay Ann Burke Act, a law proposed by Attorney General Lynch that became effective in Rhode Island in July 2007. The Act, named in the honor of Lindsay Ann Burke, who was murdered after a 2-year struggle in an abusive relationship, requires all school districts in Rhode Island to teach about the signs of dating violence and abuse every year from grades 7- 12. Attorney General Lynch and Lindsay’s parents, Ann and Christopher Burke, will join Jane Randel at a press conference to announce the data findings and the Attorneys General’s new initiative to combat dating abuse.
“We are committed to addressing this issue through education. Abuse and violence in intimate partner relationships not only cause great individual pain, but this destructive behavior also breaks down families, communities and our larger society,” says Attorney General Lynch. “A curriculum such as Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse is an effective way to begin the process of education, prevent abuse, and help to save lives.”
Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse curriculum aims to raise awareness about the problem of dating abuse, recommend resources that provide assistance, such as loveisrespect.org, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, and ultimately, help prevent dating abuse from occurring in the future. The curriculum was piloted around the country in October 2005 and was officially launched in April 2006. As of June 2008, this free curriculum has been distributed to approximately 3,500 schools and organizations across all 50 states.
“We know from experience that education can be one of the best means of prevention. My fellow Attorneys General and I are committed to ensuring that education on teen dating abuse is provided in schools across America,” says Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley. “We are grateful to Liz Claiborne, Inc., for their work on this important issue and look forward to working with them to combat this problem and keep teens safe.”
To help analyze the new survey findings, Liz Claiborne Inc. recruited the country’s top ten leading experts on tween and teen dating abuse to assess the data. Experts found high levels of tween and teen dating abuse combined with a lack of knowledge from both parents and children on the signs of harmful dating. The results clearly imply that there is a great need for more parental education and involvement, and schools need to institute teen dating abuse curriculum beginning as early as 6th grade.
“The survey’s data on the extent of emotional and controlling behaviors among tweens are the most critical additions to our current knowledge of abuse in adolescent relationships,” says Dr. Elizabeth Miller, Assistant Professor in Pediatrics at the U.C. Davis School of Medicine. “The numbers of tweens in relationships who report experiencing emotional abuse and controlling behaviors are staggering. Clearly this shows that many young people are already experiencing unhealthy relationships early on (even in the absence of sexual activity), many recognize these behaviors as not acceptable, but few know where to seek help or how to help a friend.”
Among the key findings:
Dating relationships begin much earlier than expected
Ø Nearly three in four tweens (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.
Ø More than one in three 11-12 year olds (37%) say they have been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Surprising levels of abusive behavior reported in tween (11-14) dating relationships.
Ø 62% of tweens who have been in a relationship say they know friends who have been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Ø Two in five (41%) tweens who have been in a relationship know friends who have been called names, put down, or insulted via cellphone, IM, social networking sites (such as MySpace and Facebook), etc.
Ø One in five 13-14 year olds in relationships (20%) say they know friends and peers who have been struck in anger (kicked, hit, slapped, or punched) by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Ø Only half of all tweens (51%) claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.
Significant numbers of teens (15-18) are experiencing emotional and mental abuse as well as violence in their dating relationships; this is even more prevalent among teens that have had sex by the age of 14.
Ø More than one in three teens report that their partners wanted to know where they were (36%) and who they were with (37%) all the time.
Among teens who had sex by age 14, it’s much higher (58% and 59%, respectively).
Ø 29% of teens say their boyfriends/girlfriends call them names and put them down, compared to 58% of teens who had sex by age 14.
Ø 22% of teens say they were pressured to do things they did not want to do, compared to 45% of teens who had sex by age 14.
Ø 69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.
“As a sexuality educator, it is impossible for me to look at this data without acknowledging the cultural implications and perhaps reasons for the statistics,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, PhD, Author, and Human Sexuality Expert. “I believe the biggest problem is that parents are not doing their job. Parents are not talking to their teens about healthy and responsible sexuality.”
The survey found that parents think they know about their tweens dating experiences, but many are in the dark about what their kids are actually doing. Results show that:
Ø More than three times as many tweens (20%) as parents (6%) admit that parents know little or nothing about the tweens’ dating relationships.
Ø Twice as many tweens report having “hooked up” with a partner (17%) as parents reported of their own 11-14 year old child (8%).
“The survey data demonstrates that although parents maintain they are discussing relationships with their teens, this is not the same as discussing violence and abuse in relationships,” says Cindy Southworth, Director of Technology, National Network to End Domestic Violence. “It is clear parents need to talk to teens/tweens and schools need to encourage healthy relationship programs at an earlier age. The survey indicates that ‘tweens are involved in relationships that they consider serious,’ therefore parents need to talk prevention before dating starts. In the same way that parents currently tell 5- year olds that smoking is bad, they need to say that people who love each other shouldn’t hit/punch/kick/hurt each other.”
###
Survey Methodology
Liz Claiborne Inc. commissioned Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) to conduct quantitative research among tweens (ages 11-14), parents of tweens, and teens (ages 15-18) who have been in a relationship. The research pertained to young dating relationships and the presence/absence of sexual activity and abusive behaviors. TRU independently sampled the three groups and fielded a customized 15-minute survey online to each group from January 2-18, 2008; TRU chose online as the data-collection method for this research not only because of its high penetration (92%) among this population, but also because of the sensitive nature of the content, allowing young people to answer candidly (i.e., no adult interviewer) within the context of their preferred communications method. A total of 1,043 tweens, 523 parents, and 626 teens completed the survey, resulting in a margin of error (at the 95% confidence level) of ±3.0 percentage points for tweens in total, ±3.9 points for parents, and ±4.1 points for teens (±5.5 among those 17-18).
To view the video about the survey from the CBS Early Show go to http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=4240522n
Liz Claiborne Inc. and www.loveisrespect.org (the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline), commissioned the survey on Tween and Teen dating relationships that was conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) to explore how relationships among young adolescents are fueling high levels of dating violence and abuse.
Recognizing the significance of this alarming trend in tween sexual activity and dating abuse, President of the National Association of Attorneys General (NAAG), Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch, along with Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning, introduced an unprecedented initiative that was unanimously passed at NAAG’s June meeting to ensure that all Attorneys General work to incorporate a teen dating violence and abuse curriculum in every school in their states.
“Over the past four years Liz Claiborne Inc. has conducted research into the many aspects of teen dating abuse. What makes this current study so disturbing is the clear and unexpected finding that dating abuse and violence begins at such a young age,” says Jane Randel, Vice President, Corporate Communications, Liz Claiborne Inc. “We applaud the willingness of Attorney General Lynch to push for the introduction of education about dating abuse in schools across the country. This research shows just how urgently this information is needed.”
This Teen Dating Violence Education Resolution is inspired by the Lindsay Ann Burke Act, a law proposed by Attorney General Lynch that became effective in Rhode Island in July 2007. The Act, named in the honor of Lindsay Ann Burke, who was murdered after a 2-year struggle in an abusive relationship, requires all school districts in Rhode Island to teach about the signs of dating violence and abuse every year from grades 7- 12. Attorney General Lynch and Lindsay’s parents, Ann and Christopher Burke, will join Jane Randel at a press conference to announce the data findings and the Attorneys General’s new initiative to combat dating abuse.
“We are committed to addressing this issue through education. Abuse and violence in intimate partner relationships not only cause great individual pain, but this destructive behavior also breaks down families, communities and our larger society,” says Attorney General Lynch. “A curriculum such as Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse is an effective way to begin the process of education, prevent abuse, and help to save lives.”
Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse curriculum aims to raise awareness about the problem of dating abuse, recommend resources that provide assistance, such as loveisrespect.org, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, and ultimately, help prevent dating abuse from occurring in the future. The curriculum was piloted around the country in October 2005 and was officially launched in April 2006. As of June 2008, this free curriculum has been distributed to approximately 3,500 schools and organizations across all 50 states.
“We know from experience that education can be one of the best means of prevention. My fellow Attorneys General and I are committed to ensuring that education on teen dating abuse is provided in schools across America,” says Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley. “We are grateful to Liz Claiborne, Inc., for their work on this important issue and look forward to working with them to combat this problem and keep teens safe.”
To help analyze the new survey findings, Liz Claiborne Inc. recruited the country’s top ten leading experts on tween and teen dating abuse to assess the data. Experts found high levels of tween and teen dating abuse combined with a lack of knowledge from both parents and children on the signs of harmful dating. The results clearly imply that there is a great need for more parental education and involvement, and schools need to institute teen dating abuse curriculum beginning as early as 6th grade.
“The survey’s data on the extent of emotional and controlling behaviors among tweens are the most critical additions to our current knowledge of abuse in adolescent relationships,” says Dr. Elizabeth Miller, Assistant Professor in Pediatrics at the U.C. Davis School of Medicine. “The numbers of tweens in relationships who report experiencing emotional abuse and controlling behaviors are staggering. Clearly this shows that many young people are already experiencing unhealthy relationships early on (even in the absence of sexual activity), many recognize these behaviors as not acceptable, but few know where to seek help or how to help a friend.”
Among the key findings:
Dating relationships begin much earlier than expected
Ø Nearly three in four tweens (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.
Ø More than one in three 11-12 year olds (37%) say they have been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Surprising levels of abusive behavior reported in tween (11-14) dating relationships.
Ø 62% of tweens who have been in a relationship say they know friends who have been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Ø Two in five (41%) tweens who have been in a relationship know friends who have been called names, put down, or insulted via cellphone, IM, social networking sites (such as MySpace and Facebook), etc.
Ø One in five 13-14 year olds in relationships (20%) say they know friends and peers who have been struck in anger (kicked, hit, slapped, or punched) by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Ø Only half of all tweens (51%) claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful relationship.
Significant numbers of teens (15-18) are experiencing emotional and mental abuse as well as violence in their dating relationships; this is even more prevalent among teens that have had sex by the age of 14.
Ø More than one in three teens report that their partners wanted to know where they were (36%) and who they were with (37%) all the time.
Among teens who had sex by age 14, it’s much higher (58% and 59%, respectively).
Ø 29% of teens say their boyfriends/girlfriends call them names and put them down, compared to 58% of teens who had sex by age 14.
Ø 22% of teens say they were pressured to do things they did not want to do, compared to 45% of teens who had sex by age 14.
Ø 69% of all teens who had sex by age 14 said they have gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.
“As a sexuality educator, it is impossible for me to look at this data without acknowledging the cultural implications and perhaps reasons for the statistics,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, PhD, Author, and Human Sexuality Expert. “I believe the biggest problem is that parents are not doing their job. Parents are not talking to their teens about healthy and responsible sexuality.”
The survey found that parents think they know about their tweens dating experiences, but many are in the dark about what their kids are actually doing. Results show that:
Ø More than three times as many tweens (20%) as parents (6%) admit that parents know little or nothing about the tweens’ dating relationships.
Ø Twice as many tweens report having “hooked up” with a partner (17%) as parents reported of their own 11-14 year old child (8%).
“The survey data demonstrates that although parents maintain they are discussing relationships with their teens, this is not the same as discussing violence and abuse in relationships,” says Cindy Southworth, Director of Technology, National Network to End Domestic Violence. “It is clear parents need to talk to teens/tweens and schools need to encourage healthy relationship programs at an earlier age. The survey indicates that ‘tweens are involved in relationships that they consider serious,’ therefore parents need to talk prevention before dating starts. In the same way that parents currently tell 5- year olds that smoking is bad, they need to say that people who love each other shouldn’t hit/punch/kick/hurt each other.”
###
Survey Methodology
Liz Claiborne Inc. commissioned Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) to conduct quantitative research among tweens (ages 11-14), parents of tweens, and teens (ages 15-18) who have been in a relationship. The research pertained to young dating relationships and the presence/absence of sexual activity and abusive behaviors. TRU independently sampled the three groups and fielded a customized 15-minute survey online to each group from January 2-18, 2008; TRU chose online as the data-collection method for this research not only because of its high penetration (92%) among this population, but also because of the sensitive nature of the content, allowing young people to answer candidly (i.e., no adult interviewer) within the context of their preferred communications method. A total of 1,043 tweens, 523 parents, and 626 teens completed the survey, resulting in a margin of error (at the 95% confidence level) of ±3.0 percentage points for tweens in total, ±3.9 points for parents, and ±4.1 points for teens (±5.5 among those 17-18).
To view the video about the survey from the CBS Early Show go to http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=4240522n
Thursday, January 31, 2008
February 4 - 8 is "National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week" in the US
Did you know that February 4 – 8 is “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week” in the US? Across the country, schools, community organizations and others will be providing awareness and education programs to focus on this issue.
One really great (and relatively new resource) founded by CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc. is the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or 1-866-331-9474. If you have not taken a look at this site, you should. It includes a “Teen Dating Bill of Rights” and videos submitted by teens for a “Love is Respect” contest – plus lots of helpful information! They also have "live chat" available several hours a day. This is important because teens (as opposed to adults) make important decisions based on information and advice they receive in the Web.
For younger “tweens” there is GirlsAllowed (http://www.girlsallowed.org/), the award-winning website created by the Corporate Alliance. It is designed to help engage them in developing the building blocks of healthy relationships. And from the CDC there is http://www.chooserespect.org/ which is also geared toward ages 11 – 14.
Finally, check out http://www.thesafespace.org/ created by Break the Cycle and sponsored by CAEPV Members Verizon Wireless and The Avon Foundation.
Of course, these are not the only sites around, just some suggestions. For more links, visit the Teen Resources page on the CAEPV website.
I remember having a conversation with my dad when we first created "Anni" and GirlsAllowed and I was showing him the first three episodes. We were talking about how parents talk to their kids about so many other important things -- but not healthy dating relationships or how to spot potential abuse.
He said, "It never entered my mind to talk to you about someone treating you badly, because I never thought anyone would ever treat you that way." I said, "Dad, that is exactly the reason we created the site-- for parents like you that assume that the people dating their daughters and sons will treat them well. " He thought that made a lot of sense. (And he thought Anni was pretty cool!)
So -- if you have tweens or teens, or are an adult who cares about them, take the opportunity to take a look at these sites and get educated. The kids we love deserve the very best, don't they?
One really great (and relatively new resource) founded by CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc. is the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or 1-866-331-9474. If you have not taken a look at this site, you should. It includes a “Teen Dating Bill of Rights” and videos submitted by teens for a “Love is Respect” contest – plus lots of helpful information! They also have "live chat" available several hours a day. This is important because teens (as opposed to adults) make important decisions based on information and advice they receive in the Web.
For younger “tweens” there is GirlsAllowed (http://www.girlsallowed.org/), the award-winning website created by the Corporate Alliance. It is designed to help engage them in developing the building blocks of healthy relationships. And from the CDC there is http://www.chooserespect.org/ which is also geared toward ages 11 – 14.
Finally, check out http://www.thesafespace.org/ created by Break the Cycle and sponsored by CAEPV Members Verizon Wireless and The Avon Foundation.
Of course, these are not the only sites around, just some suggestions. For more links, visit the Teen Resources page on the CAEPV website.
I remember having a conversation with my dad when we first created "Anni" and GirlsAllowed and I was showing him the first three episodes. We were talking about how parents talk to their kids about so many other important things -- but not healthy dating relationships or how to spot potential abuse.
He said, "It never entered my mind to talk to you about someone treating you badly, because I never thought anyone would ever treat you that way." I said, "Dad, that is exactly the reason we created the site-- for parents like you that assume that the people dating their daughters and sons will treat them well. " He thought that made a lot of sense. (And he thought Anni was pretty cool!)
So -- if you have tweens or teens, or are an adult who cares about them, take the opportunity to take a look at these sites and get educated. The kids we love deserve the very best, don't they?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Domestic Violence and the Holidays
So -- it's the holidays and you will be around family and friends that you may not usually see. And what if you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship? Here is the big difficult question:
"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:
"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?" Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.
And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going. People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.
For help or advice anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.
It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"
Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:
"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"
Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.
And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?" Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.
And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going. People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.
For help or advice anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.
It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.
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