Friday, March 27, 2009

Even They Are Not Immune To Domestic Violence. . .

I was reading this Washington Post article today about Maryland lawmakers and the domestic violence legislation going forward in their General Assembly http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/26/AR2009032603541_pf.html.

The focus of the article is not so much about the legislation but the experiences of those in the General Assembly who have experienced domestic violence in their families and their lives. The title is “Abuse Bills Resonate With Several Maryland Lawmakers” and I honor the lawmakers who chose to share their heartbreaking stories with their colleagues.

What is also interesting to me is the article author’s commentary on this:

As the Maryland General Assembly has spent several weeks debating difficult bills that deal with domestic abuse, a sad truth has emerged: Even lawmakers have not been immune from the scourge of violence in the home.

And as a long-standing taboo on revealing painful experiences with the issue has been lifted, more and more have stepped forward to share their stories with colleagues.

I want to address both of these comments.

First, it is absolutely true that “even lawmakers have not been immune from the scourge of violence in the home.” No profession is immune from that painful scourge.

I recently had an interesting communication with a wonderful and well-meaning professional colleague who, after a long discussion about the impact of domestic violence on other workplaces, said to me “Thankfully, my office has no domestic violence issues that anybody is aware of. . . .If only all workplaces offered such a secure environment.”

That is really common thinking. . that because your workplace offers a very secure environment, or because there is a particular type of profession that works there, you don’t have domestic violence issues going on.

And while it may be true that you may have good security to keep scary people out. . .that does not change the scary things going on for people at home that impact them at work. . .nor does it take into account the potentially scary people you have working for you.

But as the author of the Washington Post article pointed out (without meaning to) it is not “expected” that this would happen to people in certain professions. Like lawmakers.

And to the author’s second point: It is so true that once people start sharing their stories, more and more step forward to share theirs and the curtain of silence is lifted. I have seen this time and time again. It is wonderful to see people share and be strengthened by being able to talk about what has happened to them and realize they are not alone.

I think the Maryland lawmakers who have shared their stories with colleagues and the rest of us have built yet another bridge to help us all understand that indeed domestic violence can (and does) “happen to anyone.”

Who works “anywhere.”

For more information on exactly how much domestic violence impacts the workplace, and what your workplace can do to address it, visit www.caepv.org

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Workplace Policies and Domestic Violence - Does One Size Fit All?

I often get asked about different kinds of policies to address different types of workplaces with respect to domestic violence.

Not all workplaces are the same, and not all workplace cultures have the same kinds of policies. Some are very brief and have a different set of procedures or guidelines to go with their policies, and some policies are all-inclusive.

Some workplaces have union employees, some do not. So there are differences in the way that policies are constructed depending on the organization or type of employer, but not necessarily what kinds of issues should be touched upon.

For sample policies and resources you can check out http://www.caepv.org/ - we have tons of great resources and a sample policy to get you started from the "Start A Workplace Program" section.

For a great policy from an institution of higher education – specifically Buffalo State College – check out their policy at http://www.buffalostate.edu/offices/hr/dvwp.asp. It is just one example of many but gets away from the idea that only a "corporation" would have such a policy (and believe me, I've been told that!)

I also have to give “props” to my friends at the Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence (OPDV) in the State of New York. Amy Barasch (the Executive Director) has done an amazing job, and they are working with all state agencies in New York to get policies in place. For more on that, check http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/workplace/index.html.

Remember -- policies can be scalable and amenable to your workplace culture. But policies can also be put in a drawer and never used if they are not followed up with training and education and awareness programs within the workplace so managers and employees know what to do, who to talk to, and what resources are available.

For example, one of our CAEPV member companies places links for resources in several different locations on its employee intranet, so an employee in need of help related to domestic violence does not just go to the "Domestic Violence" spot to find it. They may find it in a Work/Life section, or a Workplace Safety section, or a Family Life section, or many other areas of the intranet. Not only does this provide information in easily accessible ways, it makes the issue one that shows up regularly so even employees who may not need the help (right now) see it.

Domestic violence comprised 24% of the workplace violence incidents reported to the Bureau of Labor Statistics in their survey of businesses with 1,000 or more employees - more than "criminal incidents" at 17% -- so it would be wise for any company to attend to this issue in the same way they think about potential crime at the workplace.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

SAFEWORK 2010 ADDS RENE LERER, CHAIRMAN AND CEO OF MAGELLAN HEALTH SERVICES TO ITS ROSTER

Another CEO has taken the Pledge!

I am so happy to note that Rene Lerer, Chairman and CEO of Magellan Health Services, has taken the SafeWork 2010 Pledge!

It is a especially cool, because this was a direct result of our S2- Safer, Smarter Workplace Conference. This step of having the Magellan CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 pledge was an “action step” from one of our conference attendees from Magellan! Kudos to him for getting that done!!!

Magellan Health Services is one of the country’s leading diversified specialty health care management organizations. A Fortune 1,000 company, Magellan offers clients a comprehensive, integrated suite of products, including behavioral health management, radiology benefits management, and specialty pharmacy management.

To view the growing list of CEOs who have signed the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, click here.
And what is the Pledge? It is very simple:

I am committed to addressing the issue of domestic violence in the workplace. I recognize that domestic violence impacts my employees, my company and my business. Therefore, I pledge to take action, lead change, and raise awareness as a member of SafeWork 2010.

CEOs sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, committing to address the impact of domestic violence in their workplace. To help them learn more about SafeWork 2010, they receive an awesome CEO Action Kit created by Safe Horizon and CAEPV provided by the generous support of The Allstate Foundation.

If you are interested in having your CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, contact Joanna Colangelo at Safe Horizon at joanna.colangelo@safehorizon.org.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

10 Things You Can Do About Domestic Violence

People have been asking me "What can I do about domestic violence? Is there something I can do to help?" Here is a short list of ideas. Certainly you can add your ideas or additions at the end:

1) Sign the MADE petition to get dating violence curriculum in schools. Go to http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/made

2) Find out more about domestic violence. Go to www.clicktoempower.org and see the stories of survivors and what made the difference for them.

3) Go to www.avon.com and buy the Women's Empowerment Necklace or Bracelet.

4) Learn about how domestic violence impacts your workplace by visiting www.caepv.org.

5) Remember the National Domestic Violence Hotline Number: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or www.ndvh.org. You can call to help others or yourself.

6) Donate your old cell phone (any brand) at any Verizon Wireless store or use free mailing label www.verizonwireless.com/hopelinemailinglabel

7) Learn to talk to your kids about healthy relationships by downloading tip booklets from www.loveisnotabuse.com.

8) Try to understand what happens in DV and how it impacts people. Check out http://www.domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com. And comment!

9) Don't ask "Why would that victim go back?" ask "Why would a person hit or abuse someone they love?"

10) Be safe, healthy and happy in your own relationships. Because you matter. And you deserve it. And you are very, very precious.

Monday, March 16, 2009

What You Have Done

This poem was written by a survivor of domestic violence who is employed at one of the companies we work with here at the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence:

What You Have Done

Composed by ABH © 3.15.2009

Broken

Bleeding profusely

These wounds, gaping wide

Painting her pale skin

So your eyes

Can see

What you have done

To this little girl

With blond locks

Hanging in her face

Soaking up the tears

As the fears

Of the past

Force her into a world

With nowhere to hide

Crippled

Mangled arms

And fractured legs

From the hands of false love

Open your eyes

So you can see

What you have done

To this teenage girl

With blond locks

That masks the rejection

You instilled

In her mind

In her heart

Forcing her into a world

With nowhere to hide

Stolen

Is her identity

As she wears a name

That only she knows

Is not real

Only because of

What you have done

To this young woman

With dark curls

Hanging in her eyes

Hiding the pain

From deep within

As the fears

Of the present

And future

Force her into a world

With nowhere to hide

Thursday, March 12, 2009

SAFEWORK 2010 ADDS TOM EARLY, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF HEALTH PLUS TO ITS ROSTER

I am pleased to announce that Tom Early, Executive Director of Health Plus, has taken the SafeWork 2010 Pledge!

Established in 1984 by Lutheran Medical Center (LMC), Health Plus provides coordinated healthcare and improves access to care for a diverse and growing number of uninsured New Yorkers in Southwest Brooklyn. Today, Health Plus serves the five boroughs of New York and Nassau County and covers nearly 270,000 members.

To view the growing list of CEOs who have signed the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, click here.

And what is the Pledge? It is very simple:

I am committed to addressing the issue of domestic violence in the workplace. I recognize that domestic violence impacts my employees, my company and my business. Therefore, I pledge to take action, lead change, and raise awareness as a member of SafeWork 2010.

CEOs sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, committing to address the impact of domestic violence in their workplace. To help them learn more about SafeWork 2010, they receive an awesome CEO Action Kit created by Safe Horizon and CAEPV provided by the generous support of The Allstate Foundation.

If you are interested in having your CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, contact Joanna Colangelo at Safe Horizon at joanna.colangelo@safehorizon.org.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Avon Launches Global Mobilization Effort Against Domestic Violence

Remember when you thought that Avon was "just" little ladies your Aunt Bonnie knew who sold little things door to door and you got little gifts? (Well, it was my Aunt Bonnie, anyway). Those days are long gone, let me tell you!

On March 3, Reese Witherspoon, Avon Chairman and CEO Andrea Jung, and CAEPV Member of the Month the Avon Foundation announced the launch of a new campaign against domestic violence in Washington, DC. The effort includes more than $1.5 million in new grants by the Avon Foundation to launch the Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School.

The new center will focus on working with judges, legal professionals, governmental and non-governmental organizations to improve access to justice in an effort to eliminate violence against women and girls.

Avon also expanded its relationship with the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) with a new commitment of $250,000 for the UN Trust Fund to End Violence against Women, which will be added to the grant of $1 million awarded in 2008 for the Trust Fund. This brings the total Avon global commitment to ending violence against women to over $14 million to date.

The new Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School will undertake four major initiatives, including intensive legal clinical projects, providing legal research for judges, hosting conferences and events, and maintaining an extensive international online library, as well as a discussion forum for judges relating to gender-based violence.

The Avon Global Center, which will launch this fall, will serve as a forum for judges and legal practitioners to share ideas and strategies on the role of the judicial system in facilitating access to justice for women victims of violence.

These new efforts underscore Avon's ongoing commitment to ending violence against women, which includes the Speak Out Against Domestic Violence program launched by Avon and the Avon Foundation for Women in 2004. These efforts have expanded to 45 countries, including award-winning Avon programs in Mexico and the Czech Republic.

The company is also partnering with local UNIFEM offices on the issue of violence against women in 13 countries. Behind the success of these initiatives are much-needed grassroots mobilization and fundraising, which are assets Avon brings to global philanthropy, driven by the company's network of nearly 6 million Avon Sales Representatives worldwide.

Reese Witherspoon, award-winning actress, Avon global ambassador and honorary chairperson of the Avon Foundation for Women, announced at a press conference before the Global Forum a new Avon fundraising product: the Women's Empowerment Necklace. Launched as a companion piece to the 2008 Women's Empowerment Bracelet, the Necklace is accessibly priced at just $5.00.

It will be sold through Avon's Sales Representatives and on www.avon.com. All net proceeds of the Necklace will support domestic violence programs, building upon the $4 million already raised by the Bracelet in one year. In the US, every Women's Empowerment product sold will include a free Domestic Violence Resource Guide to increase awareness of this epidemic of violence and encourage everyone to speak out so it stops.

Aunt Bonnie can buy me these little gifts. . .and know she is changing the lives of women around the world. Pretty cool, no?

Monday, March 02, 2009

Why Would She Get Back Together With Him?

"Why would she get back together with him?"

I've been asked this question all weekend long with regard to this story in the news http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/people/1454295,chris-brown-rihanna-back-together-diddy-022809.article.

The short answer is - I don't know why those two people may have gotten back together, because I don't know those two people.

But I do know in situations of abuse and domestic violence why people get back together and why this is confusing and hard to understand (and yes, frustrating) for friends, family and co-workers.

First of all, many people I know who are involved in domestic violence say "I love the person. . .I just want the violence to stop." So when a person says they will get help and promises they will not do it anymore, the person who is being abused wants to believe them. And who can blame them? They want things back the way they were before the abuse started. They love the person...not the hitting.

Second, relationships are often very complicated. There are often children and lives involved. Victims are hesitant to tear children away from another parent, family, grandparents. Think about this in your own life. Break-ups are terrible. Does anyone just "walk away" from another partner? It is not easy to do this. Add in the complications of abuse and it is even more difficult.

Why is this more difficult? One of the reasons is that a victim is often told over and over and over and over again that the violence and abuse is his or her fault. If the victim would not behave in a certain way it would not have happened in the first place, so why wouldn't you reconcile since you think you are kind of "guilty" for getting abused anyhow?

It takes a victim of domestic violence an average of 5-7 times to leave a relationship. Each time the person goes they are in the process of leaving. People most commonly stay for their children. . .but then most commonly leave for their children.

So when looking at domestic violence and abuse the focus is really better on safety. . asking your friend or loved one "Are you safe in your relationship?" rather than "Have you left?"

I know this is difficult to understand. But it is not helpful to say things like "Unless you leave that person I am going to break off my friendship with you" or "I am so disappointed in you." Because this doesn't leave the door open for discussion when your friend may need to talk to you. You can certainly express concern, and you can ALWAYS ask if the person is safe in the relationship because you care.

Please feel free to comment on this blog or add thoughts about why a person may get back together.

And thank you, as always for caring about making this issue "Everybody's Business." If you ever have questions, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).