Monday, February 21, 2011


Last night we were driving home from doing errands and getting groceries and we saw it....a car run a red light and slam into another car.

I'm sure the person who had the green had no idea what was coming - you don't expect that you have to look out for people running red lights when you are proceeding down the road with a "full on" green light.

The driver who was hit was pretty "shocked" -- he didn't seem hurt (thank goodness) but he just seemed...well blindsided.  He just did not expect to get hit out of nowhere.  He was just driving along obeying the traffic rules and suddenly out of nowhere he was t-boned, swung around, and turned the wrong way on a one-way street with a damaged vehicle.

After we made sure both drivers were ok, called 911, talked to the police, and went on our way, my husband and I were talking about how no one expects to get hit like that. 

In a lot of kind of see it kind of know you are going to get in an accident....but not when you are blindsided.

It made me think about domestic violence.

No one goes into a relationship expecting to be abused.  No one loves a person, has a person say they love them back....expecting to be hit, or verbally abused, or called ugly names...

By the time that happens....I think a person is blindsided.  A lot like the guy in the car accident last night.  They were going on in life, expecting to be safe and secure and loved in a relationship...and instead they were blindsided.

I noticed this morning when I was driving to work that I was looking around corners for cars that might "blindside" me...I don't usually do that.  I'm careful...but I usually expect that most drivers will obey the traffic laws.

I don't expect to be blindsided.

No one should.

Not when we're driving.  And not when we're in relationships with people who are supposed to love us.



Unknown said...

Very nice comparison I like it because its so true no one expects to get hit/hurt in any way when we start a relationship. All we think about is having fun being happy feel loved. I know what its like to be abused I was put through abuse for two years but I never expected anything bad I mean yea arguments but not hitting all I believe in was that i would be with him forever. Thanks to that experience it helped me understand what many women suffer each day being in abusive relationships and thats why I created to help women prevent abuse in the future and for those who have been abused help them heal.

jsbh said...

This made me well up with tears and fear, but it was an excellent post. Thanks, as always, for your work and your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

this is the perfect comparison. I recently just got out of a relationship that was verbally abusive...and each time something happened, I was truly blindsided.

PeaceMama said...

Thank you. Great post.

Corey Seldon said...

While I want to completely agree...I would like to raise the point that most DV situations have red flags throughout the relationship. No one expects to get hit by their partner - just like no one expects to get hit by a car. However people usually show signs of the possibility of aggressive/controlling/abusive behavior beforehand.

Which actually, is rather hopeful. Because unlike the car that got hit without warning - we can learn to look for warnings so we don't end up getting blindsided.

Just food for thought. Love the writing!!
-Corey Ann

Kim Wells said...

@Corey - while absolutely true...when you read the comments of the survivors on this blog you will see they felt "blindsided" - not that there are not red flags...but that they did not expect that someone who loves them would hurt them. No one should expect that.

Thank you for highlighting the importance of helping those we care about know the potential "red flags" of an unhealthy relationship.

Cheers -