Even They Are Not Immune To Domestic Violence. . .

I was reading this Washington Post article today about Maryland lawmakers and the domestic violence legislation going forward in their General Assembly http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/26/AR2009032603541_pf.html.

The focus of the article is not so much about the legislation but the experiences of those in the General Assembly who have experienced domestic violence in their families and their lives. The title is “Abuse Bills Resonate With Several Maryland Lawmakers” and I honor the lawmakers who chose to share their heartbreaking stories with their colleagues.

What is also interesting to me is the article author’s commentary on this:

As the Maryland General Assembly has spent several weeks debating difficult bills that deal with domestic abuse, a sad truth has emerged: Even lawmakers have not been immune from the scourge of violence in the home.

And as a long-standing taboo on revealing painful experiences with the issue has been lifted, more and more have stepped forward to share their stories with colleagues.

I want to address both of these comments.

First, it is absolutely true that “even lawmakers have not been immune from the scourge of violence in the home.” No profession is immune from that painful scourge.

I recently had an interesting communication with a wonderful and well-meaning professional colleague who, after a long discussion about the impact of domestic violence on other workplaces, said to me “Thankfully, my office has no domestic violence issues that anybody is aware of. . . .If only all workplaces offered such a secure environment.”

That is really common thinking. . that because your workplace offers a very secure environment, or because there is a particular type of profession that works there, you don’t have domestic violence issues going on.

And while it may be true that you may have good security to keep scary people out. . .that does not change the scary things going on for people at home that impact them at work. . .nor does it take into account the potentially scary people you have working for you.

But as the author of the Washington Post article pointed out (without meaning to) it is not “expected” that this would happen to people in certain professions. Like lawmakers.

And to the author’s second point: It is so true that once people start sharing their stories, more and more step forward to share theirs and the curtain of silence is lifted. I have seen this time and time again. It is wonderful to see people share and be strengthened by being able to talk about what has happened to them and realize they are not alone.

I think the Maryland lawmakers who have shared their stories with colleagues and the rest of us have built yet another bridge to help us all understand that indeed domestic violence can (and does) “happen to anyone.”

Who works “anywhere.”

For more information on exactly how much domestic violence impacts the workplace, and what your workplace can do to address it, visit www.caepv.org

Workplace Policies and Domestic Violence - Does One Size Fit All?

I often get asked about different kinds of policies to address different types of workplaces with respect to domestic violence.

Not all workplaces are the same, and not all workplace cultures have the same kinds of policies. Some are very brief and have a different set of procedures or guidelines to go with their policies, and some policies are all-inclusive.

Some workplaces have union employees, some do not. So there are differences in the way that policies are constructed depending on the organization or type of employer, but not necessarily what kinds of issues should be touched upon.

For sample policies and resources you can check out http://www.caepv.org/ - we have tons of great resources and a sample policy to get you started from the "Start A Workplace Program" section.

For a great policy from an institution of higher education – specifically Buffalo State College – check out their policy at http://www.buffalostate.edu/offices/hr/dvwp.asp. It is just one example of many but gets away from the idea that only a "corporation" would have such a policy (and believe me, I've been told that!)

I also have to give “props” to my friends at the Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence (OPDV) in the State of New York. Amy Barasch (the Executive Director) has done an amazing job, and they are working with all state agencies in New York to get policies in place. For more on that, check http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/workplace/index.html.

Remember -- policies can be scalable and amenable to your workplace culture. But policies can also be put in a drawer and never used if they are not followed up with training and education and awareness programs within the workplace so managers and employees know what to do, who to talk to, and what resources are available.

For example, one of our CAEPV member companies places links for resources in several different locations on its employee intranet, so an employee in need of help related to domestic violence does not just go to the "Domestic Violence" spot to find it. They may find it in a Work/Life section, or a Workplace Safety section, or a Family Life section, or many other areas of the intranet. Not only does this provide information in easily accessible ways, it makes the issue one that shows up regularly so even employees who may not need the help (right now) see it.

Domestic violence comprised 24% of the workplace violence incidents reported to the Bureau of Labor Statistics in their survey of businesses with 1,000 or more employees - more than "criminal incidents" at 17% -- so it would be wise for any company to attend to this issue in the same way they think about potential crime at the workplace.

SAFEWORK 2010 ADDS RENE LERER, CHAIRMAN AND CEO OF MAGELLAN HEALTH SERVICES TO ITS ROSTER

Another CEO has taken the Pledge!

I am so happy to note that Rene Lerer, Chairman and CEO of Magellan Health Services, has taken the SafeWork 2010 Pledge!

It is a especially cool, because this was a direct result of our S2- Safer, Smarter Workplace Conference. This step of having the Magellan CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 pledge was an “action step” from one of our conference attendees from Magellan! Kudos to him for getting that done!!!

Magellan Health Services is one of the country’s leading diversified specialty health care management organizations. A Fortune 1,000 company, Magellan offers clients a comprehensive, integrated suite of products, including behavioral health management, radiology benefits management, and specialty pharmacy management.

To view the growing list of CEOs who have signed the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, click here.
And what is the Pledge? It is very simple:

I am committed to addressing the issue of domestic violence in the workplace. I recognize that domestic violence impacts my employees, my company and my business. Therefore, I pledge to take action, lead change, and raise awareness as a member of SafeWork 2010.

CEOs sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, committing to address the impact of domestic violence in their workplace. To help them learn more about SafeWork 2010, they receive an awesome CEO Action Kit created by Safe Horizon and CAEPV provided by the generous support of The Allstate Foundation.

If you are interested in having your CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, contact Joanna Colangelo at Safe Horizon at joanna.colangelo@safehorizon.org.

10 Things You Can Do About Domestic Violence

People have been asking me "What can I do about domestic violence? Is there something I can do to help?" Here is a short list of ideas. Certainly you can add your ideas or additions at the end:

1) Sign the MADE petition to get dating violence curriculum in schools. Go to http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/made

2) Find out more about domestic violence. Go to www.clicktoempower.org and see the stories of survivors and what made the difference for them.

3) Go to www.avon.com and buy the Women's Empowerment Necklace or Bracelet.

4) Learn about how domestic violence impacts your workplace by visiting www.caepv.org.

5) Remember the National Domestic Violence Hotline Number: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or www.ndvh.org. You can call to help others or yourself.

6) Donate your old cell phone (any brand) at any Verizon Wireless store or use free mailing label www.verizonwireless.com/hopelinemailinglabel

7) Learn to talk to your kids about healthy relationships by downloading tip booklets from www.loveisnotabuse.com.

8) Try to understand what happens in DV and how it impacts people. Check out http://www.domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com. And comment!

9) Don't ask "Why would that victim go back?" ask "Why would a person hit or abuse someone they love?"

10) Be safe, healthy and happy in your own relationships. Because you matter. And you deserve it. And you are very, very precious.

What You Have Done

This poem was written by a survivor of domestic violence who is employed at one of the companies we work with here at the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence:

What You Have Done

Composed by ABH © 3.15.2009

Broken

Bleeding profusely

These wounds, gaping wide

Painting her pale skin

So your eyes

Can see

What you have done

To this little girl

With blond locks

Hanging in her face

Soaking up the tears

As the fears

Of the past

Force her into a world

With nowhere to hide

Crippled

Mangled arms

And fractured legs

From the hands of false love

Open your eyes

So you can see

What you have done

To this teenage girl

With blond locks

That masks the rejection

You instilled

In her mind

In her heart

Forcing her into a world

With nowhere to hide

Stolen

Is her identity

As she wears a name

That only she knows

Is not real

Only because of

What you have done

To this young woman

With dark curls

Hanging in her eyes

Hiding the pain

From deep within

As the fears

Of the present

And future

Force her into a world

With nowhere to hide

SAFEWORK 2010 ADDS TOM EARLY, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF HEALTH PLUS TO ITS ROSTER

I am pleased to announce that Tom Early, Executive Director of Health Plus, has taken the SafeWork 2010 Pledge!

Established in 1984 by Lutheran Medical Center (LMC), Health Plus provides coordinated healthcare and improves access to care for a diverse and growing number of uninsured New Yorkers in Southwest Brooklyn. Today, Health Plus serves the five boroughs of New York and Nassau County and covers nearly 270,000 members.

To view the growing list of CEOs who have signed the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, click here.

And what is the Pledge? It is very simple:

I am committed to addressing the issue of domestic violence in the workplace. I recognize that domestic violence impacts my employees, my company and my business. Therefore, I pledge to take action, lead change, and raise awareness as a member of SafeWork 2010.

CEOs sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, committing to address the impact of domestic violence in their workplace. To help them learn more about SafeWork 2010, they receive an awesome CEO Action Kit created by Safe Horizon and CAEPV provided by the generous support of The Allstate Foundation.

If you are interested in having your CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, contact Joanna Colangelo at Safe Horizon at joanna.colangelo@safehorizon.org.

Avon Launches Global Mobilization Effort Against Domestic Violence

Remember when you thought that Avon was "just" little ladies your Aunt Bonnie knew who sold little things door to door and you got little gifts? (Well, it was my Aunt Bonnie, anyway). Those days are long gone, let me tell you!

On March 3, Reese Witherspoon, Avon Chairman and CEO Andrea Jung, and CAEPV Member of the Month the Avon Foundation announced the launch of a new campaign against domestic violence in Washington, DC. The effort includes more than $1.5 million in new grants by the Avon Foundation to launch the Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School.

The new center will focus on working with judges, legal professionals, governmental and non-governmental organizations to improve access to justice in an effort to eliminate violence against women and girls.

Avon also expanded its relationship with the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) with a new commitment of $250,000 for the UN Trust Fund to End Violence against Women, which will be added to the grant of $1 million awarded in 2008 for the Trust Fund. This brings the total Avon global commitment to ending violence against women to over $14 million to date.

The new Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School will undertake four major initiatives, including intensive legal clinical projects, providing legal research for judges, hosting conferences and events, and maintaining an extensive international online library, as well as a discussion forum for judges relating to gender-based violence.

The Avon Global Center, which will launch this fall, will serve as a forum for judges and legal practitioners to share ideas and strategies on the role of the judicial system in facilitating access to justice for women victims of violence.

These new efforts underscore Avon's ongoing commitment to ending violence against women, which includes the Speak Out Against Domestic Violence program launched by Avon and the Avon Foundation for Women in 2004. These efforts have expanded to 45 countries, including award-winning Avon programs in Mexico and the Czech Republic.

The company is also partnering with local UNIFEM offices on the issue of violence against women in 13 countries. Behind the success of these initiatives are much-needed grassroots mobilization and fundraising, which are assets Avon brings to global philanthropy, driven by the company's network of nearly 6 million Avon Sales Representatives worldwide.

Reese Witherspoon, award-winning actress, Avon global ambassador and honorary chairperson of the Avon Foundation for Women, announced at a press conference before the Global Forum a new Avon fundraising product: the Women's Empowerment Necklace. Launched as a companion piece to the 2008 Women's Empowerment Bracelet, the Necklace is accessibly priced at just $5.00.

It will be sold through Avon's Sales Representatives and on www.avon.com. All net proceeds of the Necklace will support domestic violence programs, building upon the $4 million already raised by the Bracelet in one year. In the US, every Women's Empowerment product sold will include a free Domestic Violence Resource Guide to increase awareness of this epidemic of violence and encourage everyone to speak out so it stops.

Aunt Bonnie can buy me these little gifts. . .and know she is changing the lives of women around the world. Pretty cool, no?

Why Would She Get Back Together With Him?

"Why would she get back together with him?"

I've been asked this question all weekend long with regard to this story in the news http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/people/1454295,chris-brown-rihanna-back-together-diddy-022809.article.

The short answer is - I don't know why those two people may have gotten back together, because I don't know those two people.

But I do know in situations of abuse and domestic violence why people get back together and why this is confusing and hard to understand (and yes, frustrating) for friends, family and co-workers.

First of all, many people I know who are involved in domestic violence say "I love the person. . .I just want the violence to stop." So when a person says they will get help and promises they will not do it anymore, the person who is being abused wants to believe them. And who can blame them? They want things back the way they were before the abuse started. They love the person...not the hitting.

Second, relationships are often very complicated. There are often children and lives involved. Victims are hesitant to tear children away from another parent, family, grandparents. Think about this in your own life. Break-ups are terrible. Does anyone just "walk away" from another partner? It is not easy to do this. Add in the complications of abuse and it is even more difficult.

Why is this more difficult? One of the reasons is that a victim is often told over and over and over and over again that the violence and abuse is his or her fault. If the victim would not behave in a certain way it would not have happened in the first place, so why wouldn't you reconcile since you think you are kind of "guilty" for getting abused anyhow?

It takes a victim of domestic violence an average of 5-7 times to leave a relationship. Each time the person goes they are in the process of leaving. People most commonly stay for their children. . .but then most commonly leave for their children.

So when looking at domestic violence and abuse the focus is really better on safety. . asking your friend or loved one "Are you safe in your relationship?" rather than "Have you left?"

I know this is difficult to understand. But it is not helpful to say things like "Unless you leave that person I am going to break off my friendship with you" or "I am so disappointed in you." Because this doesn't leave the door open for discussion when your friend may need to talk to you. You can certainly express concern, and you can ALWAYS ask if the person is safe in the relationship because you care.

Please feel free to comment on this blog or add thoughts about why a person may get back together.

And thank you, as always for caring about making this issue "Everybody's Business." If you ever have questions, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

SAFEWORK 2010 ADDS NEIL CALMAN, PRESIDENT AND CEO OF THE INSTITUTE FOR HEALTH TO ITS ROSTER

I am so happy to report that Neil Calman, President and CEO of The Institute for Health has taken the SafeWork 2010 Pledge!

The Institute's mission is to improve the quality and availability of family practice services in response to the needs of medically underserved populations. In support of this mission, the Institute:

- Develops and operates health facilities on a family practice model integrating the work of a broad range of health professionals;
- Trains health professionals and other health care workers in the family practice model of care;
- Engages in health services research related to primary health care delivery and primary care education;
- Formulates health policy in support of its direct patient care and educational goals;
- Promotes the diversity of its workforce and provides an environment that encourages personal and professional development for all.

In our rapidly evolving health care system, the Institute’s leadership will help to insure that future generations of needy New Yorkers have an opportunity to live longer, healthier lives.

To view the growing list of CEOs who have signed the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, click here.

And what is the Pledge? It is very simple:

I am committed to addressing the issue of domestic violence in the workplace. I recognize that domestic violence impacts my employees, my company and my business. Therefore, I pledge to take action, lead change, and raise awareness as a member of SafeWork 2010.

CEOs sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, committing to address the impact of domestic violence in their workplace. To help them learn more about SafeWork 2010, they receive an awesome CEO Action Kit created by Safe Horizon and CAEPV provided by the generous support of The Allstate Foundation. It is FULL of free tools and information we've created to get a company jump-started on their own workplace program.

If you are interested in having your CEO sign the SafeWork 2010 Pledge, contact Joanna Colangelo at Safe Horizon at joanna.colangelo@safehorizon.org.

Is a Beheading Domestic Violence?

I know the title of this blog is awful and distasteful, but "Is beheading domestic violence/domestic homicide?" is a discussion I had with a gentleman yesterday.

If you are not aware, a man in the Buffalo, NY area told police he decapitated his wife in the offices of the Bridges TV television station that he founded.

You can find the story here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/18/nyregion/18behead.html?bl&ex=1235106000&en=8b9eb32a5d94c23a&ei=5087%0A

The wife filed for divorce on February 6. The husband killed her at his workplace on February 12. The New York Times article indicates there were prior incidents of domestic violence in the home that police had responded to. Clearly this is a case of domestic violence at the workplace being taken to its ultimate level (to me, anyway).

So why was there any reason for discussion about whether or not this was "domestic violence"?

Allegedly it was "not domestic violence" because the man was Muslim and had founded a Muslim-American television station to help fight Muslim stereotypes. The man I talked with suggested that it was an "honor killing" so somehow that was different than "domestic violence."

I don't blame the guy for being confused about it. . .people often are confused about domestic violence.

Let me be clear on this -- EVERYONE has the right to be safe and secure and loved in their own home. No one has the right to abuse or kill anyone they love. It does not matter the reason they give:

"I was angry"

"I drank to much"

" You pushed my buttons"

"You started it"

"I wasn't myself"

"It will never happen again"

"If you would only do what I ask. . ."

"If you would only. . ."

So don't let labels like "honor killing" or any other kind of killing confuse you. Killing a spouse is killing a spouse. Abuse is abuse. Domestic violence is domestic violence. It does not matter who it happens to.

Let's just all work together to stop it, ok?

If you need help anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

If you are an employer and you need resources and assistance for help in your workplace, we have lots of information on our website at the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence, http://www.caepv.org/.

What Do You Say If You Wonder . . .?

So -- domestic violence has been in the news this week because of a potential high profile abuser and victim.

While that potential case is "high profile" -- what about the people in our own lives? What if with your friends or family or you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship?

Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"

Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"

Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.

And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"

Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.

And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.

People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is NOT easy.

For help or information anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.

It may seem ironic to talk about this when Valentine's Day is just around the corner. . .but really, it seems like a great time to check in on ourselves and the people we care about. Maybe Valentine's Day is a good reminder to take a look at the health of all our relationships – not just intimate relationships but the ones we have with friends, family, co-workers, and those and those in our communities. It may be an overused saying, but it is important to “be the change we want to see in the world” by modeling healthy relationships wherever and whenever we can.

February 2 - 6 is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week

We care about our teens, don't we? And sometimes they are not only our children, they are our employees as well.

The crime of teen dating violence, including physical, emotional and sexual assault, and harassment via texting, email or Instant Messaging is a reality for many American teenagers.

Did you know:

- One in eleven adolescents reports being a victim of physical dating violence.
- 30 percent of teens in a dating relationship have been text-messaged 10, 20, or 30 times an hour by a partner finding out where they are, what they are doing or who they are with.
- One in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
- 29 percent of girls in a relationship report having been pressured to go further sexually than they really wanted.

The Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Initiative was started by teens through the American Bar Association in 2004. In 2006, the first national "week" was declared by Congress, and has been recognized every year since then. Since its inception, a number of governors have declared proclamations, and today, the Initiative includes over 50 national, state and local agencies and organizations as partners. More information can be found at: http://crapo.senate.gov/issues/teen_dating_violence.cfm.

One thing you can do in honor of “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week” is sign the MADE petition at http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/made/.)

And here is a small list of online resources:

http://www.loveisnotabuse.com – Learn what you can do about teen dating abuse from this site from CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc.

http://www.loveisrespect.org – This is the site for the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline

http://www.thatsnotcool.com/ -- New teen site from CAEPV Member the Family Violence Prevention Fund

http://www.caepv.org/getinfo/links.php?linksec=19 – A listing of Teen Resources on the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence website

CAEPV Welcomes Newest National Advisory Board Member - Jennifer Welch

Well. . .if you have not heard, the State of Illinois has been in the news the last couple weeks for less than stellar reasons.

But today I have a wonderful "Illinois" reason to celebrate -- the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) is pleased to announce that Jennifer Welch, Policy Director for Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan is the newest member of our National Advisory Board!

The CAEPV Advisory Board consists of a diverse group of experts assembled to advise and assist in program development and content. The group represents a variety of disciplines, including domestic violence organizations, clergy, corporations, education, healthcare, law enforcement, and the criminal justice system. For a complete listing of CAEPV’s Advisory Board members, visit http://www.caepv.org/about/boardadv.php?show=a

Jennifer Welch is the Policy Director for Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan. In this role she leads a team to develop and implement policy initiatives for the Attorney General covering topics including violence against women, internet safety, campus safety and children’s products safety. She represents the Attorney General on numerous Boards and Committees, for example acting as Chair Pro Temp of the Illinois Violence Prevention Authority.

Previously, Jennifer focused on violence against women as the Attorney General’s Women’s Policy Advisor. In that role she led statewide efforts to improve laws, services and systems for abused women and their children. For example, she created and introduced the order of protection short form notification to law enforcement agencies throughout the state. Ms. Welch continues to monitor policies and legislation impacting women and children and participates on numerous boards and advisory councils such as the Illinois Department of Human Services Domestic Violence Advisory Council.

Jennifer came to the Office of Attorney General Madigan after nearly nine years as the Executive Director of the Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women's Network. As the Network's Director Ms. Welch coordinated public policy and system-wide advocacy efforts of more than 50 organizations plus individual members. She led the successful campaign for a new domestic violence court in Cook County, Illinois. Ms. Welch also developed the city of Chicago Domestic Violence Help Line, which helped approximately 10,000 callers each year, in partnership with the Chicago Mayor's Office on Domestic Violence.

Prior to working at the Battered Women's Network she was a founding member of the Illinois Clemency Project for Battered Women. Ms. Welch holds a JD from the Chicago-Kent College of Law and received her undergraduate degree in psychology at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (www.caepv.org) is a leading force in the fight against intimate partner violence and its effects on the workplace. It is the only national organization of its kind founded by business leaders and focused on the workplace. Since 1995, the Alliance has brought together dozens of progressive companies who exchange information, collaborate on projects, and use their influence to instigate change. The Alliance offers extensive research, policy knowledge and issue expertise to the business community, including training, program guidance, and crisis consultation – with programs designed to make the workplace safe and to prevent intimate partner violence from impacting the workplace. CAEPV has member and associate organizations reaching employees across the US and around the world.

Selected corporate members include Advocate Good Samaritan Hospital, Allstate Insurance Company, Altria Group, Inc., American Express, American Psychological Association, ADM, Avon Products, Inc., Blue Shield of California Foundation, CIGNA, Chestnut Global Partners, COUNTRY Financial, Eastman Kodak, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, Health Care Service Corporation – Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Illinois, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Texas, The Joyful Heart Foundation, Kaiser Permanente, Lifetime Television, Liz Claiborne Inc., Longview Associates, LLC, Mary Kay Inc., Northern Trust Company, Rutgers University, State Farm Insurance Companies, Texas Health Resources, Verizon Communications, Verizon Wireless, and The Wireless Foundation.

Internationally, the Corporate Alliance Against Domestic Violence UK and the Hurriyet Media Group are CAEPV members.

Mariska Hartigay's Joyful Heart Foundation Joins The Corporate Alliance

I am so pleased to note that this week we welcomed the Joyful Heart Foundation as our newest member of CAEPV!

Founded by actor and advocate Mariska Hargitay in 2004, the mission of the Joyful Heart Foundation is to heal, educate and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse and to shed light into the darkness that surrounds these issues. The vision of the Joyful Heart Foundation is a community that:

- is empowered with knowledge, courage and compassion to help survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse heal mind, body and spirit;
- values and dedicates resources to individuals and families that have been impacted by these issues; and
- seeks to ignite and foster an open dialogue about how to collaboratively end the cycle of violence and abuse.

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (www.caepv.org) shares in these wonderful values and we look forward to this new partnership with our friends at Joyful Heart!

Everything Makes A Difference

This week I was at a meeting with researchers looking at a state's domestic violence leave law. I got a chance to meet people who work with counties and a director of another state's Department of Labor and another researcher who focuses on on-line training to increase competency. . .all of these people certainly are not experts in domestic violence, but they are all connected in making sure this research is viable and actually has real world applications.

One of the things the researchers learned from employees who were victims of domestic violence is that they wanted employers to understand what they needed and provide them information. Not "get in their business" but care and provide the resources and information they needed to get safe.

This morning I was communicating with someone else about it - a person who is a Communications Consultant and not in the field of domestic violence at ALL.

She said she thought this work (domestic violence and its impact on the workplace) was important and asked me what she could do to help. I told her she could let people know that domestic violence impacts the workplace. . .and that there are things employers can do about it.

So - she asked for the web address for this blog and for our Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence website (http://www.caepv.org) and sent them to all her clients.

I told her she possibly saved a life by doing that.

Because EVERYTHING makes a difference. Giving information and resources can be the difference in someone getting a resource and someone not getting it.

Thank you to that wonderful woman (if she reads this, she knows who she is!) for taking the time to make a difference by just sending out information to people who may not know.

Thank you to everyone who understands that everything can make a difference. . .and does a little something to do that. You are changing the world for people who may not be able to do it for themselves.

Thank you.

Department of Justice Releases First Comprehensive Report on Stalking in US

As I noted is my last blog post, January is National Stalking Awareness Month and and the Office on Violence Against Women, in partnership with the National Center for Victims of Crime, launched the 2009 campaign “Know it. Name It. Stop It.”

On January 13, the Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics released a supplemental report to the National Crime Victimization Survey focused on Stalking Victimization in the United States. This report is the most comprehensive study of stalking to date and confirms what experts in the field have long known:

- Stalking is pervasive
- Women are at higher risk of being stalked,
- There is a dangerous intersection between stalking and more violent crimes.

The study found that during a 12-month period, an estimated 3.4 million people (age 18 or older) were victims of stalking. Surpassing previous estimates of stalking, the study noted persons age 18 to 19 and 20 to 24 experienced the highest rates of stalking victimization.

The study further illustrates a dangerous reality that women are at higher risk of stalking victimization. Females experienced 20 stalking victimizations per 1,000 females age 18 or older. The rate of stalking victimization for males was approximately 7 per 1,000 males age 18 or older.

Seven in 10 victims sought help. Approximately 60% do not report victimization to the police. Most enlisted the help of family or friends while only 7% contacted victim services, a shelter, or helpline.

These findings delineate some clear priorities for professionals in the field as well as friends and colleagues – and workplaces. As I indicated in my last post, stalking is a real issue for employees who are victims of domestic violence, and stalking at the workplace is a potential indication of increased danger for that employee – and the rest of the workplace.

Take a look at the resources on the National Stalking Awareness Month website, during Stalking Awareness Month and throughout the year.

In addition, take advantage of the information and resources on the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence website at www.caepv.org .

We need to take stalking seriously – and this new study shows how important it is that we make it “everybody’s business.”

January is National Stalking Awareness Month

This month (January 2009) marks the 6th observance of National Stalking Awareness Month (NSAM) in the United States.

Did you know that each year, more than one million women and nearly 400,000 men in the United States are victims of stalking?

This year the theme is “Stalking: Know It. Name It. Stop It.” It challenges communities (including workplaces) to combat this dangerous crime by learning more about it and taking action.

The Stalking Resource Center and the Office on Violence Against Women has launched the 2009 National Stalking Awareness Month Web site at http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org. The site offers fact sheets, media tools, brochures, posters and artwork, and much more. Check it out!

People do not always realize what "stalking" entails - your "stalker" is usually someone you know, and very often when a person is stalked at work, that indicates a "ramp up" in potential lethality.

Do not "brush off" stalking. Take it seriously. . .whether it is in person or electronic. Keep records. Don't throw things away. Often when I discuss this with people, they have not considered keeping the emails, or voice mails, or notes from the stalker as a record and they should. Do not feel silly about talking with law enforcement about this. . .and if you feel that police are brushing you off, talk to your state's attorney or district attorney. Stalking is serious business, and laws have changed considerably across the US to protect victims.

And if you are an employer, do not take "workplace stalking" lightly. A person being followed and called at work is a person in potential danger. And so is the rest of your workplace. Seek assistance. And http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org is a great place to start.

Domestic Violence and the Holidays

So -- it's the holidays and you will be around family and friends that you may not usually see. And what if you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship? Here is the big difficult question:"What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"

Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- like that the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"

Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.

And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine? Then say "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"

Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions.And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.

People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.

For help or advice anytime, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or for teens, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org/ or at 1-866-331-9474.It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.

Good Morning America Story - Domestic Violence Enters the Workplace

To view the story online go to http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6466718&page=1. ____________________________________________________________________________________
Domestic Violence Enters the Workplace
Get Links and Domestic Abuse Hotline Numbers Below
By JUJU CHANG, LIZ SINTAY and IMAEYEN IBANGA
Dec. 16, 2008 —

Nancy Salamone, a bride at 19, discovered just after her honeymoon that her new husband's explosive anger could be triggered by the most trivial thing.
"I put the towels in the bathroom, not the way he was used to them, and that started off an evening of screaming and yelling and being physically abused throughout the night. It was my introduction to what my marriage was going to be like," Salamone said.
The truth of her marriage stayed a dark secret. On the outside, she was a smart and confident vice president of a company, but on the inside, she was a wife who'd been battered for nearly 20 years. After one harrowing night, she decided to get out.
"At one point, he got me on the couch and his hands were around my neck. And I said to myself, 'Just close your eyes, you're going to die,'" Salamone said.
She finally sat down with her boss and asked for help.
"I very simply said, 'This has been an abusive situation, I do not know what this person is going to do.' And that I was afraid," Salamone said.
Work became a safe haven for Salamone, and experts say she is far from alone. More women are turning to the workplace for help with an abusive situation at home.

Identifying Abuse and Reaching Out
Brooke McMurray, a successful executive who long ago divorced a husband she says abused her for years, is now helping other women in the same situation.
Working with a group called Safe Horizon, McMurray teaches companies to recognize the impact of domestic violence. In additon to the obvious personal toll, it costs American businesses an estimated $6 billion a year in health care expenses, lost productivity and unworked days, according to the American Institute of Domestic Violence.
"I used to go to my office and I used to close the door, lie down on the floor and take a nap because I had been up all night being yelled at and worse," McMurray said.
"I really believe this, that once people understand what this is and what it looks like, and how it affects them, that the workplace will become safer," she continued.
For Liz Claiborne CEO Bill McComb it's not just a productivity issue. The company has long been on the frontlines of the war on domestic violence. On his second day on the job, an employee and mother of two young children, Jeanette Claudio, was shot and killed by her abusive husband in their home.
"It made me immediately ask our people, 'What more can we do?'" McComb said. "The key is companies don't have to get into the business of domestic violence counseling. They need to get in the business of letting women know the workplace is a safe haven."
Jeanette Claudio's husband, Miguel Gonzalez, was convicted of murder and is scheduled to be sentenced this Friday.
Safe Horizon works with employees and managers to spot symptoms of abuse, such as long sleeves in hot weather or wearing sunglasses indoors. And most importantly, how to give victims a safe way to get help by providing domestic violence hotline phone numbers everywhere.
"It's a matter of posters, signage and referrals to websites and numbers," McComb said. "When you see the writing on the wall, literally you stop and you think."
Twenty-one states have laws that require employers to assist victims of domestic violence by granting leave if necessary and by banning discrimination against employees who've been abused.
Providing help for domestic abuse victims is more important than ever. The National Domestic Violence Hotline says they've gotten 17,000 more calls this year than last, with many victims reporting that painful economic conditions make their abusers lash out even more.
Brooke McMurray says that for every woman who calls a help hotline, there's a woman living in danger.
"When they answer the phone at the hotline...the first thing they ask you is, 'Are you safe?' And that is the most important question, because if you are being abused you're never safe," McMurray said.

Where to Get Help for Domestic Abuse
If you're a victim, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says you should tell your supervisor and hr manager what you're going through, and ask if there are options like scheduling or assistance benefits that can help you protect yourself.
The Coalition also recommends giving security a picture of your abuser, to protect you while at work. Seventy-four percent of battered women report being harassed by their abuser while they are at work.
If you have a co-worker you suspect is being abused, the Coalition says you shouldn't confront him or her directly. Instead, express concern and a willingness to listen and be supportive.
When he or she does confide in you, encourage her to tell your supervisor and human resources. And if you witness an incident at work, call the police immediately and make sure the incident is documented.
Check out the links below for more information about domestic violence and resources.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Safe Horizon's Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence
Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

Allstate Foundation DV Program Awards Over Half A Million - Financial Empowerment Grants Aid Survivors

With everyone across the country feeling a pinch in their pocket book, The Allstate Foundation is focusing its attention on easing the financial burden too often faced by domestic violence survivors. As a part of its continued effort, the Foundation recently awarded $552,000 in economic empowerment grants to domestic violence coalitions in nine states.

The grants will be used to support a variety of local programs focused on developing strategies to move survivors toward financial independence. The grantees’ work will center on Individual Development Accounts (IDA), micro-enterprise, financial literacy, and job readiness activities.

“The Allstate Foundation is committed to empowering survivors of domestic violence, by providing them with the tools and resources that enable them to achieve economic independence,” said Michele Coleman Mayes, Allstate Senior Vice President and General Counsel. “Our goal is to work with advocates through statewide and local initiatives, helping them to work with survivors to build financial skills, which are critical during these financially turbulent times. Through our Economic Empowerment grants, we continue to help survivors work toward safe and economically secure futures.”

In partnership with the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) Fund, The Allstate Foundation Economic Empowerment for Domestic Violence Survivors Program provides knowledge and skills – particularly those related to financial security and economic empowerment – to support survivors of domestic violence. The grants are just one of the elements of The Allstate Foundation Program, which has provided more than $4,500,000 in funding to national and state domestic violence organizations since its launch in 2005.

“Women with financial skills have an increased chance of getting away from an abusive situation and sustaining themselves and their families on a long-term basis,” according to Sue Else, President of NNEDV. “The Allstate Foundation is integral in assisting women to achieve financial independence – it provides critical resources and financial support to create innovative programs that directly help survivors face the tough economic challenges of beginning a new life, free from violence.”

Domestic violence survivors often face significant financial obstacles stemming from their abuse. These problems are heightened in times of economic downturn, making it increasingly more difficult to escape an abusive relationship. Many survivors have been prohibited from entering the workforce or from pursuing higher education and job training activities, or must repair credit damage caused by their abuser. Through initiatives like the Education and Job Training Assistance Fund, which provides micro-grants to survivors helping them to achieve their educational and professional goals, and the financial empowerment curriculum that is being implemented in programs across the country, The Allstate Foundation is filling a gap in domestic violence funding and resource provision.

The nine new grants were awarded to the following state domestic violence coalitions, to enhance already existing economic empowerment programs or build new ones throughout their respective states:

· Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence awarded $55,000
· Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence awarded $52,000
· Kentucky Domestic Violence Association awarded $100,000
· Michigan Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence awarded $80,000
· New Mexico Coalition Against Domestic Violence awarded $50,000
· New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence awarded $60,000
· Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence awarded $50,000
· Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence awarded $55,000
· Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence awarded $50,000

About The Allstate Foundation

Established in 1952, The Allstate Foundation is an independent, charitable organization made possible by subsidiaries of The Allstate Corporation. Allstate and The Allstate Foundation sponsor community initiatives to promote “safe and vital communities”; “tolerance, inclusion, and diversity”; and “economic empowerment.” The Allstate Foundation believes in the financial potential of every individual and in helping America's families achieve their American dream. For additional information, visit www.clicktoempower.org.

About the National Network to End Domestic Violence Fund

The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) Fund is a 501 (c)(3) tax-exempt social change organization representing state domestic violence coalitions. The NNEDV Fund is dedicated to creating a social, political, and economic environment in which violence against women no longer exists. The NNEDV Fund accomplishes these goals through capacity building for coalitions, public education, training, and technical assistance to maintain and develop the professional expertise of advocates. The NNEDV Fund strives to strengthen advocates as organizers and activists in the tradition of social change movements. For more information about the NNEDV Fund, visit www.nnedv.org.

I LOVE these guys -- and for purposes of full disclosure I have to say I am on their national advisory board and Allstat is a CAEPV member. . . but I LOVE the idea of providing the economic "leg up" that survivors of domestic violence need to move forward in very practical ways. I have been involved in helping accomplish this for someone and seen how it works and it really is real money put to a real, practical purpose. Allstate Foundation - you people rock!