CAEPV Presents HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar Series

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), intimate partner violence victims lose a total of nearly 8 million days of paid work a year, the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs, and the cost of domestic violence to the U.S. economy is more than $8.3 billion. A national telephone survey by CAEPV found that 21 percent of full-time employed adults were victims of domestic violence and 64 percent of them indicated their work performance was significantly impacted.

Domestic violence does not stop at the door when employees go to work. The CAEPV HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar Series is designed to help increase employer awareness of domestic violence as a workplace issue and offer strategies for employers to recognize and respond to it.

Mark your calendar for our first  CAEPV HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar: “Domestic Violence and the Workplace - Three Case Studies in Practice” taking place September 23, 2011. This webinar will examine current practices of employers addressing domestic violence as a workplace issue from three unique perspectives. Presenters include representatives from Liz Claiborne Inc., Kaiser Permanente, and Prudential. 

The webinar is FREE – but CAEPV members will receive priority registration.  Look for details coming soon!

What is the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence?

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence is a leading force in the fight against intimate partner violence and its effects on the workplace. It is the only national organization of its kind founded by business leaders and focused on the workplace. Since 1995, the Alliance has brought together dozens of progressive companies who exchange information, collaborate on projects, and use their influence to instigate change.

The Alliance offers extensive research, policy knowledge and issue expertise to the business community, including training, program guidance, and crisis consultation – with programs designed to make the workplace safe and to prevent intimate partner violence from impacting the workplace. CAEPV has member and associate organizations reaching employees across the US and around the world. For more information, visit caepv.org/about.  

What is HopeLine®?

HopeLine® from Verizon puts the nation’s most reliable network to work in the community by turning no-longer used cell phones into support for domestic violence victims and survivors. Learn more.

For more information, contact caepv@caepv.org.

Employing Survivors of Domestic Violence - Ending the Cycle

In this blog I usually focus on how domestic violence impacts the workplace and how employers can respond to keep employees and the workplace safe.

But what if work itself is a protective factor for survivors of domestic violence and their children? 

Recent research indicates it may well be.

Work is among the protective factors that foster resilience and increase the likelihood that the cycle of violence will end for women who, as children, were exposed to their mothers’ battering.

Dr. Kim Anderson, associate professor in the MU School of Social Work, found that women are less likely to suffer from PTSD if they are more resilient, or better able to overcome adversity.

Anderson found that resiliency was enhanced if mothers were employed full-time — that is, gainful employment has a positive influence on their children’s recovery from witnessing domestic violence.

“Mothers who work full-time, even in adverse situations, create economic stability and model a strong work ethic, independence and competence,” Anderson said.

“This shows the importance of the bond between mothers and children and the importance of positive adult role models in the lives of children who have experienced abuse.”

Researchers discovered the chance of PTSD in adulthood is increased if a child had witnessed the abuse of their mother; among children whose mothers experienced mental problems; and in children who witnessed police involvement in violent incidents. In particular, children of mothers who had mental health problems were more likely to develop PTSD later in life, as were children who witnessed the arrest of family members during violent incidents.

“The mental health status of mothers affects how they recover from abuse and their parenting style,” Anderson said. “Children whose mothers do not experience mental health problems are less likely to have mental health problems of their own.”

Anderson says recent financial cuts in domestic violence services and advocacy programs have made it difficult to provide abused women with the resources they need to recover from violent incidents. She recommends advanced job training and opportunities for higher education to help abused women attain sustainable employment.

“Most of the time, the immediate goal is to find women work rather than help them acquire skills that fit their interests,” Anderson said. “Those jobs are often low-paying and don’t provide the economic sustainability that going back to school and getting a higher education would.” (Source: University of Missouri)
So employing survivors of domestic violence does more than provide them a way up and out -- it may very well end the cycle of violence in the lives of their children.

Thank you to the employers who are members of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) and the many other employers committed to making domestic violence "their business" and by doing so keep their workplaces safe, keep their employees safe and productive....and perhaps help end the cycle for the next generation.

You certain can "do well by doing good."

(For resources to address domestic violence as a workplace issue, visit our website at www.caepv.org)

When Does Abuse Start?

I recently had someone ask me if abuse starts the first time a person gets hit.

I appreciated the person asking me that question, and I also thought it might be good to highlight some of the warning signs of abusive relationships. It is also important to point out that relationships can be abusive and a person can never get hit at all. 

So what IS domestic violence?  Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in a relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

This quiz "Am I Being Abused?" is from the website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline - which is full of great information and resources.

Does your partner:

• Embarrass you with put-downs?
• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
• Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
• Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
• Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
• Make all of the decisions?
• Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
• Prevent you from working or attending school?
• Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
• Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
• Force you to try and drop charges?
• Threaten to commit suicide?
• Threaten to kill you?

 

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.  You can also visit their website at www.thehotline.org.

And remember - no question is silly or "not worth asking" when it comes to healthy and unhealthy relationships....if you wonder, please ask someone you trust. 

It's Only Puppy Love...Or Is It?

“You’ll get over it…after all, it’s only puppy love.”

I can remember an adult saying that to me when my high school-to-college boyfriend and I broke up on Valentine’s Day my freshman year of college.

It sure didn’t  feel like puppy love to me.  But we both got over it.

Some young people don’t get over break ups…they don’t think they can live without their boyfriend or girlfriend. 

Apparently this is what happened to a young lady with a full life ahead of her named Lauren Astley.  Allegedly her ex-boyfriend, Nathaniel Fujita, thought he could not live without her and killed her. You can read more about the murder here.

My heart breaks for the family of Lauren Atley.

Did you know the most dangerous time for victims of domestic violence is when they are leaving or having left a relationship?  In cases where a person is murdered in such a relationship, 75% of the time it is when they are leaving or have left their abusive partner.

So – before you tell your daughter or son “it is only puppy love” please consider this:

In a Liz Claiborne Survey released in March 2006, half (50%) of the 1,004 teens surveyed reported they’ve been in a dating relationship and nearly a third (32%) said they’ve been in a serious relationship. This same survey found that:

·    One in four teens (24%) reported feeling pressure to date; and 14% said they would do almost anything to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend.

·    In the same survey, 20% of teenagers who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.

·    A significant number of teens (14%) said they have been threatened with physical harm—either to them or self-inflicted by their partner—to avoid a breakup.

·    One out of 10 of these teens have been threatened with the spread of rumors by their partner as a means of control.

·    A shocking 7% said someone in a relationship has either threatened to kill them or commit suicide in an attempt to stay together.

How do you know if you should worry?

A common characteristic of unhealthy and abusive relationships is the control that the abusive partner seeks to maintain in the relationship. This includes telling someone what to wear, where they can go, who they can hang out with, calling them names, humiliating them in front of others.

Over time, the isolation from a person’s social network increases, as the abuser insists on spending time "just the two of us," and threatens to leave or cause harm if things do not go the way they want, "You must not love me." Creating this isolation and dissolution of one's social supports (loss of friends, disconnectedness from family) are hallmarks of controlling behaviors.

In addition, abusers often monitor cell phones and emails, and for example, may threaten harm if the response to a text message is not instant. Parents are rarely aware of such controlling tactics as these occur insidiously over time, and an adolescent may themselves not recognize the controlling, possessive behaviors as unhealthy. "They must love me because they just want to spend time with me."

While the following non-specific warning signs could indicate other concerning things such as depression or drug use, these should also raise a red flag for parents and adult caregivers about the possibility of an unhealthy relationship:

·         no longer hanging out with his/her circle of friends

·         wearing the same clothing

·         distracted when spoken to

·         constantly checking cell phone,

         gets extremely upset when asked to turn phone off

·         withdrawn, quieter than usual

·         angry, irritable when asked how they are doing

·         making excuses for their boyfriend/girlfriend

·         showering immediately after getting home

·         unexplained scratches or bruises

Advice?

Maybe the best advice for parents is to start talking about what constitutes a healthy, respectful relationship early on with your child.

Sharing the warning signs of teen dating abuse with your child and saying, "If you know someone who's experiencing something like this, let's talk about it, let's talk about how you can be a good friend and help them stay safe."

For great booklets on talking to your teens about dating relationships visit Liz Claiborne’s Love Is Not Abuse website at www.loveisnotabuse.com.

So, next time you are tempted to say "Oh, it is just puppy love, you'll get over it," maybe you'll say "Hey, let's talk about it." And that may lead to a really good talk about healthy and unhealthy relationships.

"It Can't Happen Here." (Until It Does)

"Aside from your family, who do you spend the majority of your time with?" 

If I asked you that question, many of you would probably say your co-workers. I know it is true here at CAEPV - we certainly spend a great deal of time together and know one another well. 

Apparently Jermey "Billy" Davis and and Andre Johnson knew each other well, too. They worked together for years at LG & E. Mr. Johnson was Mr. Davis' supervisor.

"We're a family of employees, we really are," said LG&E spokesman Chip Keeling. "Everyone knows everyone that works in these areas, and they do a lot of things together outside the office, so this is a terrible tragedy."

What happened?  Apparently the men had a dispute that lasted more than a year. And on July 5, Mr. Davis came into this "family of employees" and did the unthinkable - he killed Mr. Johnson and then killed himself.

You can read more on the story here.  I am sure much more will develop as the investigators learn more and as the days move forward.

I am so sorry for all involved - and for all those who are devastasted at home and at work. Their lives will never be the same. My heart goes out to everyone.

I am not here to speculate on what LG & E could or should have done - or what they did right or wrong -- because I do not know that. 

I do know this - whenever I am asked "What is the most dangerous position for any employer to be in regarding workplace violence?"  My answer is this:

The most dangerous position for an employer to be in regarding workplace violence is the position that "It can't happen here." 

Because as long as an employer takes that position....the workplace is vulnerable and is not considering steps to prevent a situation like what happened at LG & E.

Often employers think:

• Workplace violence only happens at big companies.
• I know everyone here, and no one here would do anything like that.
• We screen employees before we hire, so we are safe.
• We lock non-employees out, and they are the only people we have to worry about.
• Workplace violence is a lot of hype.
• Preventing workplace violence is expensive and we can't afford it.

Fortunately (and unfortunately) none of the above are true.  Employers can do simple things like:

• Making sure they have a policy to address workplace violence
• Creating a culture of workplace safety and respect - from hiring through orientation, performance management, dismissal or employee exit
• Addressing physical plant issues with an eye for safety
• Training employees to notice and report safety concerns  - including concerns about concerning behavior in co-workers
• Management acting in a timely and respectful manner when concerns are reported
• Providing resources for employees who need help
• Never assuming they know "who" is or is not capable of workplace violence

I am amazed that employers who say they are "too small" to address workplace violence have plans for a possible terrorist attack.  And while I hope they see neither, I would argue they are more likely to see an event of workplace violence.

But once an employer begins to think "Ok, workplace violence COULD happen here. So - how can we address it?"  then the workplace begins to be in a position to possibly prevent a situation like the one at LG+E. Before it becomes explosive.  Or heartbreaking. Or deadly.

For information or resources (including a sample policy), please visit our website at www.caepv.org.

Misconduct? I Don't Think So

I live in a state where our last governor was just convicted on 17 of 20 counts of various crimes.  Our governor previous to him is currently in prison for similar crimes.

But this item from our neighbors to the north caught my eye - it is regarding the Wisconsin Supreme Court and justices allegedly slapping and choking one another- you can read it here. 

While I somehow cannot imagine Supreme Court Justices getting physical with one another - I know from doing this job, abuse and violence can happen to anyone...and anyone can be an offender.

What particularly caught my attention was that "the matter was called to the attention of the Wisconsin Judicial Commission, which investigates allegations of misconduct involving judges."

While that may certainly be the role of the Wisconsin Judicial Commission to investigate allegations of "judicial misconduct"....if what is alleged is true, something else is going on here.

It is workplace violence.

It actually "Type 3" Workplace Violence - where the perpetrator(s) are co-workers.

Did you know that according to the most recent Bureau of Justice Statistics report regarding workplace violence* about a quarter (26%) of workplace violence against males and about a third against females were committed by someone with whom the victim had a work relationship? Among the work relationships examined, coworkers were the most likely to attack persons in the workplace. Current or former coworkers committed 16% of workplace violence against males and about 14% against females.

When the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) works with employers, one of the first steps in the process is helping them create a policy regarding workplace violence. A policy that makes it clear that no one - employees, managers, vendors, etc - can use workplace time and resources to threaten, abuse or harm anyone.

(I wonder if the Wisconsin State Supreme Court has such a policy? If not, we'd be happy to provide them some samples.)

It should not matter who you are, or what you do - if these people acted this way on the street, or in another place of business, they certainly could have been arrested.

For help with workplace violence policy samples or any other resources, please visit our website at www.caepv.org.

(Update: Apparently we are not the only people who recognize this as workplace violence.  Read this article from the Wisconsin State Journal.)

*March 2011, U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Special Report,Workplace Violence 1999- 2009, NCJ 233231

"If I Don't Come to Work, Call the Police. He Said He's Going to Kill Me."

"If I don't come to work, call the police. He's said he's going to kill me."


That's what Trisha Sadler told her co-workers at the bank where she worked.  And sadly, on June 17, that is what they had to do. They had to call the police because they had not seen her for two days.

You can read the heartbreaking story here.

Now those co-workers have lost a friend, and her family has lost a daughter and sister, and we've lost another precious person to domestic violence.

According to an arrest affidavit, friends said Trisha would come to work at  the bank with bruises. She confided to them that Ward threw her around and choked her, according to the arrest affidavit, and they were fighting more and more. Neighbors called police when the shouting got too loud.

Two weeks before her death, Sadler gave her co-worker a warning: If I don't come to work, call the police. He's said he's going to kill me, the affidavit said.

If you are a person who does not think the workplace is impacted by the "private issue" of domestic violence, perhaps the life of Trisha Sadler and those who love her and worked with her and were here family and now have to live without her will make you think again.

If you are wondering what an employer can do to address domestic violence through the workplace, please visit our website at www.caepv.org. 

While there is no guarantee that a workplace program to address domestic violence will keep a tragedy like the one that happened to Ms. Sadler from occurring, it is our hope that such programs will change - and perhaps save - some lives. 

And isn't it worth that?

June Is Internet Safety Month - Tools for Parents

June is Internet Safety Month - and CAEPV Member Verizon has some great resources for parents. 

Verizon teamed up with leading online safety experts to bring parents and anyone who cares about the kids in their lives a series of videos and blogs about cyberbullying.

In this video, “Is your child being cyberbullied?,” experts highlight practical steps to take if you discover that your child is being cyberbullied or harassed. 

Here are some key take-aways: 

• Report the abuse to the website that it occurred on by using the “Report Abuse” button or by sending an email.
• Save and print evidence of the bullying.
• Be careful about cutting off your child’s access to technology. You don’t want to make them feel like they are being punished for telling you about the problem.
• Think before you immediately contact the bully’s parents, as you might complicate the situation for you and your child.
• Contact the school to find out how they can help. Even if they can’t intervene in the cyber bullying scenario, they can help by supporting your child when he or she is on campus..
• Encourage your child to “Take a break” from the online interaction rather than retaliating immediately.

This video, “When does 'rude' cross the line, online?” highlights some of the legal aspects of cyber bullying, and potential ramifications when behavior online goes too far. Watch the video below to learn more.

Here are some key take-aways:

• Willful and repeated harm or a one-time violent threat constitutes cyber bullying.
• The consequences of posting or forwarding nude or semi-nude photos may include a child pornography charge.
• Police suggest the best course of action if a child receives one of these photos is to delete it immediately and tell an adult.
• Adults need to set expectations and social rules for when it’s okay to record, post or tag photos and videos online.

For more resources, visit "Articles for Parents" on the Verizon site.

Remember - it doesn't have to be June to care about internet safety for your kids - or for yourself.  This is a great resource anytime. 

And as with any conversations about healthy versus unhealthy relationships that take place with your children, the best conversations about internet safety start when they are young, and take place often.

Keep those lines of communication open.  Especially the old-fashioned kinds of communication.  You know....talking. :-)

You Don't Want to Be A Headline....At Least Not Like This

If you are a business, you want to be in the headlines for a good reason...a great reason. 

You don't want to be in the headlines like this:  Pfizer Sued Over Domestic Violence Leave.

You can read the story linked above - but the case is basically this:  a victim of domestic violence in Washington State is saying her employer did not follow the law - or even inform her of the law (as required in her state) regarding her situation.

And this is a big employer - that should know the law. And the story itself it just heartbreaking and frightening. 

I don't know the details, I don't know exactly what happened - I only know what I am reading in the story.

I also know this - any employer with a clear understanding of the laws of the state, and a clear policy and program to address domestic violence, and the workplace culture that trains managers to understand how to address it would probably not be in this position.

When employers join the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) we work with them on the policies, programs and infrastructure to help with creating a workplace culture where 1) employees feel safe coming forward and 2) managers know the right thing to do.

It would appear - if this case is exactly as it is written - that the manager did not know the right thing to do. 

That is so sad for so many reasons....not only because the victim did not feel safe, but because the entire workplace was compromised.  And now there is a lawsuit.

I know that often legal counsel will indicate their concern that if "too many things are written down" they may be liable for what they write..or what they do to help a victim of domestic violence.  But as the general counsel for one of our CAEPV member companies says "Not only is it the right thing to do, it is the smart thing to do.  I've never seen anyone get sued for a good faith effort to protect victims of domestic violence and a good faith effort to keep them and their workplaces safe.  But I have seen employers sued for doing nothing, or something negligent."

And I have to say I agree.  I am not a lawyer, but I do follow these things pretty closely, and while I have seen a LOT of lawsuits like the one above...I've never seen anyone sued who was trying to help victims of domestic violence at the workplace through a good policy and program.

So - don't be a headline.  Have enlightened self-interest. 

A great place to start is with the steps we recommend which you can find right here.   You can also visit our website at www.caepv.org.

And if you join us, you can be a headline for a great reason -- making domestic violence "Everybody's Business."

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DOES SPILL INTO THE WORKPLACE, RIGHT?

Domestic violence does spill into the workplace, right?

That’s what the gentleman was asking.  I assumed by his tone, he was asking on behalf of an employee who had been wrongly dismissed.

I was wrong.

He was asking on behalf of an employer who had dismissed an employee after the victim of abuse had not “fulfilled a personal safety plan” in the manner the employer asked. So the victim was fired.  He indicated they thought they had a pretty good case for dismissing the employee.

I asked “Does the employer have a workplace violence policy or procedures that were followed?”

I don’t know.

I asked “What did the employer do to keep the employee safe?  What would the employer have done if it was a customer bothering the employee?  Or what if had been a co-worker threatening the employee?”

I don’t know.

“What was involved in this personal safety plan the employee was supposed to create and follow?”

I don’t know.

“Was the employer listed on an order of protection?”

I don’t know.

“Was the employee provided community resources to help with this safety planning?”

I don’t know.

“So the victim was just supposed to be personally responsible for being safe at work when there was a known potential for workplace violence?”

I don’t know.

I told him that if the employer had been located in a different state or municipality, firing this employee because of the domestic violence situation would have been potentially illegal.   

I also explained that while it might seem expedient, it was not in the employer’s enlightened self-interest to simply “remove the target.”

This was not going to keep the rest of the workforce safe in the long run. What would happen in the abuser showed up and didn’t believe that the former employee no longer worked there?

The employer did not seem to have a plan for handling workplace violence in general.  I explained that in the case of this kind of workplace violence (domestic violence impacting the workplace) the employer had created a situation where it was likely no one else who was dealing with domestic violence was going to come forward to share their situation -- especially if they had an abuser threatening to come to the workplace.  Wouldn’t they be afraid to share that based on what happened to this employee? (Not to mention the fact that the employer was no more prepared to deal with domestic violence impacting the workplace now than they were before this employee was dismissed.)

I explained it made more sense to have a policy and plan for dealing with domestic violence from the employer perspective BECAUSE it impacts the workplace.  To plan from the employer perspective to keep employees safe. Rather than expecting that from the employee.   Not just for domestic violence impacting the workplace…but any kind of workplace violence.   

He asked if the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) helps employers develop policies and programs to address domestic violence as a workplace issue. I said that is exactly what we do – and we know how to help employers keep their employees and workplaces safe and productive.

He was a really nice guy.  He really didn’t know that there were better ways to handle domestic violence as a workplace issue.  He didn’t realize that other employers have found better ways to do it.  And I think he really understood that perhaps the employer had not done the best thing. For anyone.

I think he understood what I was saying.  

But I don’t know.

Verizon Wireless Supports Joplin, MO Through Mobile Giving

I know there are lots of ways to help in this time of tragedy in Joplin and elsewhere - here's one:

Verizon Wireless has quickly implemented a mobile giving program for customers looking for a simple way to contribute to relief and recovery efforts following the devastation in Joplin, Mo.  Customers can use their mobile phones to make $10 donations to a variety of non-profit organizations responding to the tornado and the needs of local citizens in the aftermath – including American Red Cross Relief and United Way - Heart of Missouri.

 
Customers can choose from five different nonprofit organizations and make $10 donations by sending a text message. Donating is easy – customers simply text the specific word to the organization's designated short code:
      

·         American Red Cross Relief: Text "REDCROSS" to 90999

·         Convoy of Hope: Text "CONVOY" to 50555

·         Salvation Army: Text "JOPLIN" to 80888

·         United Way - Heart of Missouri: Text "JOPLIN" to 864833

·         World Vision, Inc.: Text "TORNADO" to 20222

Verizon Wireless always waives text-messaging fees for disaster relief, so text messages are free when used to make donations to any of these organizations, and 100 percent of each $10 donation goes to the relief organization.

For Verizon Wireless customers who pay monthly bills, the $10 donations will appear on the next regular monthly bill. For customers using the company's prepaid services, the $10 donation will be taken from customers' prepaid balance.

 

The Apology Olympics

"If there were an apology Olympics, women would beat the pants off men. According to recent research, including a study at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, a clear-cut gender gap emerges when measuring just how often men and women apologize as well as the reasons behind it. While many women say 'sorry' as automatically as they say hello and goodbye, they also apologize for something as simple as bumping into someone's chair. Men, in contrast, see no reason to apologize for trivial transgressions like a chair bump."


I've been intrigued by this article by Merci Miglino ever since I first read it.


It is called "Apologizing -- Again?" and discusses how women are much more likely to apologize than men...and how apologizing can be dis-empowering and potentially part of the cycle of domestic violence.


Why domestic violence?  Because of the idea that domestic violence victims apologize "for anything and everything."  And of course that is not healthy.


But I want to point something else out.


Abusers apologize too. They say things like:


"I'm sorry...it won't happen again."


"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you."


"I'm sorry...if you didn't make me so crazy, it wouldn't have happened."


That isn't healthy either.


Personally, I think apologizing from a place of strength is a sign of....strength. Not weakness.  My husband would tell you that while I might say "I'm sorry" for bumping someone in a store...it is REALLY hard for me to say "I'm sorry" when something is real.  It is difficult for me to admit that I caused harm or hurt to him. I feel like the Fonz trying to say "I was wrong." After almost 19 years of marriage it is still hard to get the words out.


I am not sure how healthy it is to tell anyone - women or men - that it is in "our wiring" to apologize...and that somehow that is not ok.


I think it is better to  teach our children (and ourselves) how to say "I was wrong" - and mean it.


What do you think?

Domestic Violence and the Workplace: Protecting Your Employees and Your Bottom Line in Six Steps

By Kim Wells, Executive Director, Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence

What do your employees bring through the door when they walk into work?  

In a national survey of full-time employed adults by the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) 21% indicated they were victims of domestic violence – and 64% percent indicated their ability to work was significantly impacted.

According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), intimate partner violence victims lose a total of nearly 8.0 million days of paid work a year—the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs—and nearly 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of the violence. The CDC also reports that the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion. This cost includes medical care, mental health services and lost productivity (e.g., time away from work).  

So – what can employers do to proactively keep their workplaces productive and safe? 

Step 1: Develop a domestic violence and the workplace policy and program

·         Involve relevant stakeholders such as senior management, human resources, security, legal, communications, media relations, employee assistance programs (EAPs), medical, health or safety programs. This group becomes the “multi-disciplinary domestic violence response team” which is key to the process.

·        Ensure EAP providers are trained in domestic violence identification and response, and are able to appropriately refer to domestic violence services.

·        Seek expertise externally from domestic violence specialists.

·         Ensure that senior management sign off on this process and champion the outcomes.

Step 2: Develop a policy addressing domestic violence containing:

·        A clear definition of domestic violence, with examples/case histories of how this affects the workplace. Include a statement that domestic violence is unacceptable at home and in the workplace.  

·        A clear statement that no violence or threats of violence should take place on workplace grounds or while an employee is on duty or acting in the interests of the employer. Include potential consequences of such actions. (Perpetrators of domestic violence may use workplace resources such as telephone, fax or email to threaten, harass or abuse their current or former partners. In addition to being a misuse of organizational resources, this behavior may be in breach of a current protection order or constitute a criminal offence, such as stalking.)

·         A clear statement of the employer's commitment to addressing domestic violence as a workplace issue and examples of workplace accommodations and assistance available.

·         A clear indication of where and how staff can access assistance regarding domestic violence and the workplace.

Step 3: Develop procedures for implementing the program, ensuring they include:

·         Details of the first point of contact for employees needing support.

·         The role of key personnel in liaison with domestic violence specialists.

·        The security measures, plans and procedures provided in the workplace to protect against domestic violence.

·         An assurance of an employee’s right to confidentiality and support when they disclose domestic violence.

·        Guidance about how managers and employees should handle disclosures of domestic violence.

Step 4: Distribute the policy

·         Produce a compact, easy to read version of the policy and provide to all staff.

·         Include the policy on the workplace intranet and orientation materials.

·        Ensure that operating units within the workplace vital to the success of the program are fully engaged and prepared before the policy and procedures are widely shared (two examples would be security and human resources.)

Step 5: Provide training

·        Train managers to recognize signs of violence for potential victims and perpetrators. Local domestic violence service providers often can assist with this training at little or no cost.  

·         Because managers must be careful to address concerns in the context of employment (unless the employee self-discloses), managers should understand how to respond—to appropriately address changes in behavior that is affecting performance.  

·       Train managers to refer—how to access internal and external resources for an employee.  Managers should not give personal advice or counseling- this type of help should be left to the experts.

·        Employee education should include a basic understanding of domestic violence, possible warning signs, and how to respond sensitively and confidentially to an abused co-worker. As in the case of managers, co-workers are not counselors, but facilitators in helping co-workers seeking assistance.

Step 6: Build awareness through workplace communication

·        Display public education materials about domestic violence in accessible areas such as lunch rooms, restrooms, and on the organization’s website.

·         Provide details of where victims and abusers can get help locally or an anonymous help line.

·        Organize regular awareness training and education in all levels of the organization about domestic violence.

·        Incorporate information about awareness of domestic violence into employee orientation programs, handbooks, and intranet-based human resources information.  For best effect, educational and awareness programs on domestic violence should be intertwined with other complimentary programs. Employee wellness fairs, workplace safety programs, town hall meetings, and family issues seminars are effective venues for sharing information about domestic violence.

State and municipal laws vary greatly with reference to domestic violence and workplace issues (unemployment insurance, non-discrimination laws, etc). Employers should work directly with their legal departments to develop policies and programs.

Employers who take on the challenge of addressing intimate partner violence as a workplace issue are true leaders. They are choosing enlightened self-interest in an effort to save lives—and change society.

You can find more information on these steps – including a sample policy -- at www.caepv.org in our Take Action/Starting a Workplace Program Section.