"Safer on the Streets than at Home"

Recently, a popular local newspaper columnist was noting the “rules” of living in our community.  The tone of the column was humor, and among his bullet points of the “rules” for living here was this:

“If you study the crime rates, you realize walking the streets at night in B-N is actually safer than staying home. Domestic issues at home far outnumber street crime here.” (You can read the full piece here.)

While the writer was trying to point out that the streets of the community are safe…I saw something different.  I saw this:

“Domestic issues at home far outnumber street crime here.”

This means that domestic violence is the crime our community should be discussing…should be talking about…should be concerned about, doesn’t it?

I’m not sure we should be saying “whew – aren’t we lucky we are safer on our streets than we are at home.”

I know that is not what the writer intended…but that is what I think many people don’t consider…we need to talk about, think about, and address domestic violence as a safety and community issue if we want our community to be safe. 

After all, everyone has the right to be safe and secure at home with the people who say they love them.

Just as much as they have the right to be safe walking the streets.

(To find out more about saying NO MORE, visit www.caepv.org and www.nomore.org.)

New NIOSH Study Examines the Role of Intimate Partner Violence in Workplace Homicides among Women

New research reveals that intimate partner violence resulted in 142 homicides among women at work in the U.S. from 2003 to 2008, a figure which represents 22 percent of the 648 workplace homicides among women during the period.

Researchers from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) and the Injury Control Research Center at West Virginia University (WVU-ICRC) have found that intimate partner violence resulted in 142 homicides among women at work in the U.S. from 2003 to 2008, a figure which represents 22 percent of the 648 workplace homicides among women during the period.

The paper, "Workplace homicides among U.S. women: the role of intimate partner violence," published in the April 2012 issue of Annals of Epidemiology, reports that the leading cause of homicides among women was criminal intent, such as those resulting from robberies of retail stores (39 percent), followed closely by homicides carried out by personal relations (33 percent). Nearly 80 percent of these personal relations were intimate partners.

Risk factors associated with workplace-related intimate partner homicides include occupation, time of day, and location. Women in protective service occupations had the highest overall homicide rate; however, women in health care, production, and office/administration had the highest proportion of homicides related to intimate partner violence. More than half of the homicides committed by intimate partners occurred in parking lots and public buildings.

"Workplace violence is an issue that affects the entire community," said NIOSH Director John Howard, M.D. "Understanding the extent of the risk and the precipitators for these events, especially for women, of becoming victims of workplace violence is a key step in preventing these tragedies."

In addition to its focus upon the role of intimate partner violence in workplace homicides among women, the study reports that workplace homicide remains a leading cause of occupational injury death in U.S. women. In fact, in 2010, homicides against women at work increased by 13 percent despite continuous declines in overall workplace homicides in recent years.

Other study findings include:

·         More U.S. women died on the job as the result of domestic violence than at the hands of a client—such as a student, patient, or prisoner—or of a current or former co-worker.

·         Workplace homicide rates among women were significantly higher in private workplaces than in federal, state, or local workplaces.

·         Firearms, knives, and other sharp objects were the top items used in workplace homicides against women.

·         The most common locations where workplace homicides among women occurred were retail businesses such as restaurants, cafes, convenience stores, and hotel and motels, followed by commercial stores, public buildings, and parking lots.

The conclusion?  Since a large percentage of homicides occurring to women at work are perpetrated by intimate partners, workplace violence prevention programs should incorporate strategies to prevent and respond to intimate partner violence.

We’re here to help with that – please check our website for resources at www.caepv.org or contact us a caepv@caepv.org for information.

Nation’s Largest Employer Leads By Example In Making Domestic Violence “Everybody’s Business”

On April 18, President Obama signed a memorandum that will require federal agencies to develop policies to address the effects of domestic violence and provide assistance to employees who are experiencing domestic violence.

“We know that domestic violence doesn’t just stay in the home.  It can extend into the workplace, with devastating effects on its victims and costs that ripple across the economy.  Federal employees aren’t immune.  The President’s Memorandum sends a message about what the federal government—and all employers—can do to end this abuse.  President Obama directed the federal government to become a model for all employers in providing a safe workplace and support for any employees who suffer from domestic violence.  For the first time, all federal agencies are required to establish policies to respond to the legitimate needs of employees who are being abused and who might need help,” said Vice President Biden.

Domestic violence affects both the safety of the workplace and the productivity of employees.  Victims report being harassed at work or distracted from their jobs because of abuse. (For information on the costs and impacts of domestic violence on the workplace, visit our Facts and Stats section of the CAEPV website.)

The memorandum directs the Director of Office of Personnel Management, in consultation with the Attorney General, the Secretary of Health and Human Services, the Secretary of Labor, the Secretary of Homeland Security, and other interested heads of agencies, to issue guidance to agencies addressing the effects of domestic violence on the federal workforce. 

The guidance will include steps agencies can take to intervene in and prevent domestic violence against or by employees; guidelines for assisting employee victims; leave policies relating to domestic violence situations; general guidelines on when it may be appropriate to take disciplinary action against employees who commit or threaten acts of domestic violence; steps agencies can take to improve workplace safety related to domestic violence; and  resources for identifying relevant best practices related to domestic violence. 

But you don’t have to be the nation’s largest employer to address domestic violence at the workplace. Any employer can – and should. 

For assistance and resources, please visit our Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV) website at www.caepv.org. 

When Will You Say "NO MORE"?

When are you ready to say NO MORE?

Maybe it is when you read this: http://www.examiner.com/domestic-crimes-in-national/domestic-violence-shooting-at-cracker-barrel-results-3-dead-1-injured

People should not die at the hands of those they love.  You should be safe and secure with those who love you. I think we can all agree on that.

This is not an anomaly.

If you do my job...you know that the most dangerous time for a person involved in an abusive relationship is when that person is leaving...or has left.  When someone says "If you leave me, I will kill you..." they mean it.

Please join us in saying NO MORE. Please visit www.nomore.org.  Upload your picture to the gallery, sign the pledge, get a t-shirt, educate yourself...tell someone self.

Let's all say NO MORE.

Unlock A Hidden Level in “Angry Birds Space” – Help Stop Cyberbullying

Do you LOVE Angry Birds?

Would you like to unlock a hidden level in Angry Birds Space and do your part to help stop cyberbullying at the same time?

If so, you'll be pleased to learn that MTV's A Thin Line campaign against cyberbullying, sexting, and all kinds of digital abuse is teaming up with Angry Birds Space to reward everyone who takes action against digital drama.

To get things started you'll need to head over to MTV's interactive Draw Your Line map that tracks actions taken across the country. There you'll be able to post any action that you've taken to stop digital drama and you'll be rewarded with instructions on how to unlock a secret Golden Egg level for the newly released Angry Birds Space.

Want to help out even more? There are plenty of things you can do to help end cyberbullying including things as simple as changing your Facebook and Twitter passwords or even just starting a conversation with your friends. Get the word out and head over to Draw Your Line for more ways to take action.

Are You Ready to Say NO MORE With Us?

I am so excited about NO MORE (www.nomore.org).

I know some of you who read this blog or hang out with me on twitter (@kimkwells) attended the web conferences announcing this new project and now things are really moving forward.

For those of you who don’t know, you may wonder – what is NO MORE?

NO MORE is a movement centered on a powerful new symbol that brings together all people who want to end domestic violence and sexual assault.  The symbol is above in this blogpost as a reminder.

Like the peace sign, the yellow “support our troops” ribbon, the red AIDS ribbon or the pink breast cancer ribbon, the goal of the NO MORE symbol is to help spark a national dialogue and move the issues of domestic violence and sexual assault higher on the public’s agenda.

I encourage you to check out the NO MORE Project at http://www.nomore.org and also on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/NOMORE.org) and Twitter (@NOMOREorg).

Join the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence along with individuals and organizations across the country as we stand together in saying NO MORE – and stay tuned for more.

BULLY. "Everything Starts With One And Builds Up..."

“Bully,” the documentary, follows three victims of bullying, and two families of children (Tyler Long, 17, and Ty Smalley, 11) who committed suicide after abuse at the hands of their peers.

Note:  the bullying it documents (and its aftermath) is hard to watch, even in the trailer, and the frustration of everyone involved (except the bullying children) is palpable.

“Bully,” won’t be in theaters until March 30. And it currently has an "R" rating.

But you can watch “Speak Up” with your children on Sunday night March 18 (commercial-free) at 5:30 p.m. on the Cartoon Network, and online. President Obama will deliver an opening message, and CAEPV National Advisory Board Member Rosalind Wiseman, a bullying prevention expert and author of “Queen Bees and Wannabes,” will be available online before, during and after the showing to answer questions. Its proactive stance, delivered by a television network that many children know and love, is a great place to start or continue a conversation about bullying. And while it may be optimistic, “Speak Up” doesn’t shy away from the complexity of bullying.

To quote the film BULLY - 'Everything starts with one (speaking up) and builds up."  I hope you will join me in being part of the conversation.

Is There A “Bubble” Where You Live?

I saw something interesting this morning in response to the heartbreaking high school shooting at Chardon High School in Chardon, Ohio.  One of my friends said “This is heartbreaking and scary! I am very thankful for my (name of town) bubble.”

And I while I certainly appreciate that she feels safe where she lives…I think that is a scary sentiment. 

As long as we think “It can’t happen here” we won’t talk to our kids about bullying or school violence or safety…or dating violence.

As long as we think “It can’t happen here” we won’t make plans for our schools to be safe.

As long as we think “It can’t happen here” we won’t prepare our workplaces to keep them safe – and we won’t look out for the potential signs that employees are in distress.

I am often asked what I think the most dangerous position is for an employer with respect to workplace violence.

I think the most dangerous position for an employer to be in it is the idea that “It can’t happen here.”  Because as long as anyone thinks that (parent, school, employer, community) we will do nothing.

Is there a “bubble” where you live?  I pray so.  But if not, take a moment to consider that it CAN – and does – happen in quiet, small places like Chardon, Ohio.

February Is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness And Prevention Month

Teen Dating Violence (DV) Prevention and Awareness Month is a national effort to raise awareness about abuse in teen and 20-something relationships – and to promote programs that prevent it during the month of February.

The repercussions of teen dating violence are impossible to ignore – they hurt not just the young people victimized but also their families, friends, schools and communities. Throughout February, organizations and individuals nationwide are coming together to highlight the need to educate young people about relationships, teach healthy relationship skills and prevent the devastating cycle of abuse.

For years, young people across the nation have organized to put a stop to dating abuse. With their adult allies, they achieved a major victory in 2005 when the importance of addressing teen dating abuse was highlighted in the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. The following year, Congress followed the lead of dozens of national, state and local organizations in sounding the call to end dating abuse. Both Chambers declared the first full week in February "National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Week." Then in 2010, Congress began dedicating the entire month of February to teen dating violence awareness and prevention.

Now in its third year, Teen DV Month is celebrated by leaders in government, student bodies, schools, youth service providers, community-based organizations, parents and more.

It is a wonderful opportunity to share information with your employees about how this issue impacts their families – and those they care about. And clearly no one in your workforce is immune from dating abuse at any age….so it is a great way to open the door. We’ve got information and resources below from our CAEPV Members at Break the Cycle.

To get great information, resources, and ideas for activities, visit the Teen DV Month website from our CAEPV Member Break the Cycle.

To read the Presidential Proclamation of National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, click here.

 

Love Is Not Abuse & Seventeen Magazine: Twitter Chat #WhatLoveMeans

You may not know that nearly 1 in 3 teens this year will be a victim of an abusive relationship. Often, the warning signs – like constantly checking in, name calling or keeping a girlfriend or boyfriend from spending time with family and friends – are so gradual that teens don’t recognize that what they think is “real love” is actually a toxic, controlling and dangerous relationship.

In this month’s issue of Seventeen Magazine, teens are speaking up about the unhealthy relationships they’ve experienced and encouraging their peers to understand what a true relationship should feel like.

Now, our friends at Love Is Not Abuse are taking the conversation to Twitter, and hope you can join them as Love Is Not Abuse and Seventeen Magazine host a series of live Twitter Chats on #Whatlovemeans on Mondays from January 16 through February 6 from 4 – 5 p.m. ET.

These Twitter chats will give teens a chance to get their relationship questions answered by experts and share their thoughts on dating, relationships and what behaviors should (and should never) be accepted from a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The first #Whatlovemeans Twitter chat kicks off Monday, January 16^th at 4 p.m. ET and we hope that you and your community can join us and help spread the word!

To join, sign in to your account at www.twitter.com. Search for the hashtag #Whatlovemeans to follow the conversation and add the hashtag to your own tweets to join in.

For more information, check out the announcement on loveisnotabuse.com,  here ,  or pick up this month’s issue of Seventeen Magazine.

Don’t forget to follow them on Twitter (@Love_IsNotAbuse and @SeventeenMag) and check out Love Is Not Abuse on Facebook (www.facebook.com/loveisnotabuse) for more updates.

January Is National Stalking Awareness Month - Would You Know Stalking If You Saw It?

“Joe seemed like a nice guy. I met him through one of those online dating sites.  I made a mistake and finally gave him my personal email.  Then the emails came fast and furious. It was ‘too much too soon’ so I backed away.   

Now he won’t leave me alone.  I asked for no further contact – but he sent me flowers to my workplace – and I never told him where I work.  I am getting concerned.  My co-workers think I am being silly…but I am not so sure.  What do I do?”

Would you know stalking if you saw it? Would you know it if it was happening to you?

January is National Stalking Awareness Month. Did you know:

·         One in 6 women (16.2%) and 1  in 19 men (5.2%) in the United States have experienced stalking victimization at some point during their lifetime in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.

·         Two-thirds (66.2%) of female victims of stalking were stalked by a current or former intimate partner; men were primarily stalked by an intimate partner or an acquaintance, 41.4% and 40.0%, respectively.

·         Repeatedly receiving unwanted telephone calls, voice, or text messages was the most commonly experienced stalking tactic for both female and male victims of stalking (78.8% for women and 75.9% for men).

·         More than half of female victims and more than one-third of male victims of stalking indicated that they were stalked before the age of 25; about 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 14 male victims experienced stalking between the ages of 11 and 17.

(CDC NISVS Survey, released December 2011)

The National Stalking Awareness Month website has been updated with 2012 materials - including posters, public service announcements, buttons, website banners, and more.

There are also examples of how you can raise awareness about stalking, sample status updates for a variety of social networking sites, and a quiz to check your knowledge on stalking. (I even missed some of the quiz questions!)

Go to www.stalkingawarenessmonth.org to learn more.

For the Presidential Proclamation of National Stalking Awareness Month, click here.

What to do if you are the victim of a stalker

·         If you feel you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

·         Trust your instincts. If you sense you are in danger, you probably are.

·         Tell the stalker "no" only once. Repeatedly saying "no" reinforces the stalking by keeping the stalker engaged. Do not confront or try to bargain with a stalker.

·         Get an answering machine and leave it on your old phone line. Get another unlisted number for your family and friends. Have a friend monitor the answering machine if it is difficult for you. If you close off an avenue to a stalker they will find another which may be worse.

·         Develop a safety plan. Safety plans can includes such things as changing your routes to work, arranging for others to accompany you in public, temporarily staying with friends, planning what you can say if you run into the stalker, keeping an emergency phone nearby.

·         Try to secure your accounts so your stalker cannot access information about you. Change your passwords frequently. Contact the utility companies and set up a password for your account. Block your address at Department of Motor Vehicles. Check with the Secretary of State's office to see if you are eligible for a confidential address.

·         Document everything even if you don't go to the police. Photograph injuries and damages. Ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Keep a log of dates, times, places, and witnesses.

·         Tell others that you are being stalked so that neighbors and co-workers will be alerted not to divulge information and will inform you when he/she is around.

Seek help. Document everything. Take it seriously.

CDC Releases NISVS Findings

  

"On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States. Over the course of a year, that equals more than 12 million women and men. Those numbers only tell part of the story – more than 1 million women reported being raped, and over 6 million women and men were a victim of stalking."

On December 14, the Division for Violence Prevention at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention presented the initial findings from the National Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS). 

NISVS is an on­going, nationally representative survey that assesses experiences of sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence among adult women and men in the United States. It measures lifetime victimization for these types of violence as well as victimization in the 12 months prior to the survey.

The survey goes beyond counting acts of sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence by assessing the range of violence experienced by victims and the impact of that victimization. The report also includes the first ever simultaneous national and state-level prevalence estimates of these forms of violence for all states.  

The findings show that, on average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States.  Over the course of a year, that equals more than 12 million women and men. Those numbers only tell part of the story – more than 1 million women reported being raped, and over 6 million women and men were a victim of stalking.

These findings emphasize that sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence are widespread and a major public health problem in the United States. The report underscores the heavy toll of this violence, particularly on women; the immediate impacts of victimization; and the lifelong health consequences of these forms of violence.  For example:

·         Nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime.

·         Approximately 80% of female victims were raped before the age of 25, and almost half before the age of 18. About 35% of women who were raped as minors were also raped as adults compared to 14% of women without an early rape history.

·         1 in 4 women have been the victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner while 1 in 7 men experienced severe violence by an intimate partner.

·         81% of women who experienced  rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner reported significant short and long term impacts related to the IPV experienced such as fear, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, and injury, while 35% of men reported such impacts from the IPV experienced.

·         Women who experienced rape or stalking by any perpetrator or physical violence by an intimate partner were more likely than women who did not experience these forms of violence to report asthma, diabetes, and irritable bowel syndrome, as well as other health consequences. 

The full report and more resources are available here.

LIZ CLAIBORNE’S 8th ANNUAL “IT’S TIME TO TALK DAY” TAKES PLACE DECEMBER 8, 2011

What are you doing on December 8, 2011?  Around here at CAEPV – and across the country – people are “taking a moment to talk.”

CAEPV Member Liz Claiborne Inc. and it’s partners have been joining forces for It's Time to Talk Day annually (for eight years now) as a way to encourage greater public dialogue about domestic violence. The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence is proud to be one of those partners.

Around the country, talk radio, government officials, domestic violence advocates, businesses, schools and the public-at-large take a moment - or more - to talk openly about an issue that affects nearly one in three women at some point in their lifetime. In fact, millions of talk radio listeners around the country were reached with the message since the inception of It’s Time to Talk Day in 2004.

 Liz Claiborne is continuing their very successful partnership with Talk Radio News Service by sponsoring their annual “Talk Radio Row on Domestic Violence” at Liz Claiborne Inc. headquarters in New York City.  Leading national and local talk radio hosts will be conducting back-to-back interviews with guests on various domestic violence issues throughout the entire day. 

This year’s participants include Alan Colmes of Fox News Radio; Dr. Joy Browne of WOR Radio Network; Mark Riley of WWRL, New York; Curtis Sliwa of WNYM (The Apple), New York; Roberta Facinelli of “Doug Stephan’s Good Day;” John Fugelsang of “The Stephanie Miller Show;” Kevin McCullough of “The Kevin McCullough Show” and “Baldwin/McCullough;” Maria Bailey of “Mom Talk Radio;” Gary Baumgarten of Paltalk; Lionel of WPIX-TV, New York Channel 11 and LionelMedia.com; Barry Farber of Talk Radio Network and CRN Digital Talk Radio; Lisa Wexler of “The Lisa Wexler Show;” Ken Pittman of WBSM, New Bedford, MA/Providence, RI; Dr. Renee Kohanski of PodJockey; Dan Patterson of KoPoint and Ellen Ratner and Geoff Holtzman of Talk Radio News Service who will be broadcasting throughout the day to several hundred of the news service’s affiliates.

Joining the lineup this year will be representatives of college talk radio with WRHU, Hempstead of Hofstra University; WLIU, Brooklyn of Long Island University and WNEK, Springfield, MA of Western New England University in attendance. Included among those who will be taking live and recorded feeds from the event are Thom Hartmann of “The Thom Hartmann Show;” Dom Giordano of WPHT, Philadelphia; and Carole Marks of “A Touch of Grey” with several more to be announced.

TALKERS publisher Michael Harrison states, “‘It’s Time to Talk Day’ is certainly one of our most important annual events. It raises consciousness about a societal problem that impacts a frighteningly large segment of the population and it cuts across all gender, ethnic and demographic boundaries. There isn’t a spoken-word format that doesn’t find the topic of domestic violence applicable to its audience and extremely compelling. Most importantly, we get feedback each year that this radio row, upon reaching millions of talk radio listeners, really does make a huge difference in the lives of real people. It doesn’t get better than that. We are grateful to Liz Claiborne, Inc. for their public-mindedness in supporting such a valuable project.” Talkers.com will provide full coverage of the event.

You can make a difference by hosting an "It's Time to Talk Day" event in your community. For the past several years cities and organizations from around the country held various programs to raise awareness of the issue. Programs and events have ranged from big, organized efforts such as press conferences, walks and vigils, to creative projects such as plays, and lastly educational efforts were made to devote this day to teaching the curriculum at local schools. For event ideas for your community, click here.

We are proud to be part of this effort as ask you to “take a moment to talk” on December 8.  As our electronic billboards say,  perhaps you can start the conversation with co-workers, chat over coffee with friends, talk with your family over dinner, or simply talk with your children about healthy relationships.

Not sure where to start?  Liz Claiborne has great tips in their downloadable booklets on their Love Is Not Abuse website.  You can check them out here.

Join us in taking a moment to talk on December 8.  You may change – or save – a life.

Registration Now Open: Verizon Wireless "Train the Trainer" Webinar December 15, 2011

We are delighted to present our third webinar "Domestic Violence and the Workplace: Verizon Wireless’ Train the Trainer Model" -- an educational opportunity provided through the CAEPV HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar Series.

An audio/video recording of this webinar is available here:  https://calcasa.ilinc.com/join/mtwkhtz

WHEN:   Thursday, December 15, 2011
2:00 PM- 3:00 PM ET / 1:00 PM- 2:00 PM CT / 11:00 AM- 12:00 PM PT

WHY:      A recent survey of CEOs found that most believe domestic violence to be a serious issue, yet 71% did not believe it is a problem in their company. The reality is that approximately 21% of full-time working adults report being a victim of domestic violence.

This webinar will highlight the successful “train the trainer” program used by Verizon Wireless to address domestic violence at the workplace, and will show how other employers can replicate this model in other workplace settings. 

HOST:    Elva Lima, Executive Director, Community Relations and Multicultural Communications,Verizon Wireless

PRESENTERS:

·         Jeremy Bruce, Manager, Employee Relations, Verizon Wireless 

·         Rob Peirce, Manager, Employee Relations, Verizon Wireless

INTERVIEWER:  Kim Wells, Executive Director, Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence

An audio/video recording of this webinar is available here: https://calcasa.ilinc.com/join/mtwkhtz
For additional event information, visit:  http://www.caepv.org/about/program_detail.php?refID=73  

The CAEPV HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar Series is made possible by a grant from HopeLine® from Verizon.

Honor Our Voices - Children's Perspectives of Domestic Violence

Did you know that over half of the residents of domestic violence shelters in the United States are children? (National Network to End Domestic Violence, 2010).

A new, innovative online training program called Honor Our Voices (www.honorourvoices.org) aims to elevate children’s voices, so that service providers may better hear, understand, and respond to the children and families they serve.

Honor Our Voices is designed to provide the opportunity to see domestic violence through the eyes and voices of children. The purpose of this learning module is to create a multi-pronged response to increase the awareness and sensitivity of shelter advocates and other social service providers to the needs of children and suggest promising ways of enhancing services for children exposed to domestic violence.

Included in this learning module is a downloadable guide for practice and a digital library of short audio programs that highlight specific promising practices through the voices of children.

The project was created by the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse (MINCAVA) and the Center for Advanced Studies in Child Welfare at the School of Social Work at the University of Minnesota, with support from the Avon Foundation for Women.

It is so important to give voices to the most vulnerable among us - and honoring the voices of children exposed to domestic violence is one

Domestic Violence and the Holidays - What Do You Say?

The holidays are coming and you will be around family and friends that you may not usually see. And what if you see something that you are concerned about? What if you think someone you care about may not be in a safe relationship?

Here is the big difficult question: "What do you say to someone if you are concerned that they may be in an abusive relationship?"

Here is one pretty good way that I've found to talk with someone -- granted this is my style and everyone has a different style, but it goes something like this:

"You know I really care a lot about you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, and that (and you would fill in here the other things you've noticed -- for example, the person seems afraid of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, has unexplained injuries, seems isolated, etc.). I would rather be wrong or have you mad at me for asking than ever have anything bad happen to you so I just have to check in with you and ask -- are you safe in your relationship?"

Because really, if you think about it, that is the point, isn't it? You WOULD rather be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable asking, or be wrong rather than have something bad happen to a friend of yours and not say something.

And -- so what if your friend tells you that he or she is fine?

Then say: "Hey, that is great. But if you ever decide you aren't ok, I want you to know my door is always open." And you may also want to add, "And if you were ever concerned that I was not safe, I would hope you would ask me the same question, right?"

Because the point is, if we really have one another's backs, we should be able to ask each other these questions. And then if you can, you may want to check in again with your family member or friend again in a few weeks just to see how things are going.

People don't always tell you right away when they are in a relationship that is not safe or good for them. It takes time and it is not easy.

For help or assistance anytime (or just to check things out), call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or check out http://www.thehotline.org. Or for those in dating relationships, check out the National Dating Abuse Helpline -- on the web at http://www.loveisrespect.org or at 1-866-331-9474.

It never hurts to ask -- and it may help change or save the life of someone you care about.

(And survivors....any comments or additional suggestions you have are most welcome! You know best what is helpful!)

RECORDING & RESOURCES AVAILABLE: “TELLING AMY’S STORY: A TOOL FOR ADDRESSING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE WORKPLACE” WEBINAR

In recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, CAEPV held our second CAEPV HopeLine® from Verizon Webinar: “Telling Amy’s Story – A Tool for Addressing Domestic Violence in the Workplace” on October 26, 2011.

The documentary Telling Amy's Story follows the timeline of a domestic violence homicide that occurred on November 8, 2001. The victim's parents and co-workers, law enforcement officers, and court personnel share their perspectives on what happened to Amy in the weeks, months, and years leading up to her death.

HOSTS:

• Mike Mason, Chief Security Officer, Verizon
• Kim Wells, Executive Director, Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence

PRESENTERS:

• Jayne Mayer, Director, Employee Engagement, Verizon Foundation
• Yandira Melon, EAP Counselor, Verizon
• Angela Long, Director of Security, Verizon
• Alphonsus (Fons) Marcelis, Head, HRS Corporate Operations, The World Bank Group

The audio/video recording of the webinar as well as the associated resources are available here.